Soviet-Era Bears Liquidated: Bitcoin Storms Past All-Time High, ETFs Laugh Last 😂

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Once again, in the charred remains of yesterday’s certainties, the digital Rubicon is crossed. Bitcoin—a child born of distrust, raised amidst the icy skepticism of financial commissars—has crashed through its May shroud, while bearish “indicators” (those mathematical shamans) wave their little red flags as they sink into irrelevance, crushed beneath the avalanche of ETF flows and the surreal spectacle of corporations hoarding coins like potatoes before a long winter. The lonesome traders who prophesied doom now find themselves the involuntary engine room of this great upward train—shoveling their own margin calls into the furnace. Oh, comrades—how we suffer for our convictions! 🚂💸

On the 9th day of July—mark the date, scribes—Bitcoin (BTC) lurched forward, a 2% upward spasm, toppling its own record from May like a toppled Lenin bust ($111,970—who counts money in such an age?). Skepticism gnashed its teeth. Short interest, bulging to $35 billion, stood muster on the eve, while technical signals blinked their warnings as if this cosmic jest still operated on rational principles. Bears, so sure they would waltz at the funeral pyre, instead found themselves dancing the forced kazachok of the squeezed.

What is this high? Can it be called “all-time”? (The gulag taught us: all times are relative, comrades.) Still, capital—the great, oozing, faceless institutional sort—has commandeered the cryptosphere. No longer are we ruled by the twitchy-fingered retail masses, but by financiers stacking coins on spreadsheets as laborers once counted bread. Meanwhile, outside, the macroeconomic wind howls. Labor data preaches “hawkishness” and the mice who dream of rate cuts squeak in vain—Bitcoin looks on, unbothered, inscrutable, one gold tooth glinting in the candlelight.

Institutions March In, Bears Flee the Barricades

This is no standard-issue crypto rally. The old stories—halving, Reddit, FOMO—are relics, stuffed inside dusty suitcases atop the prison wardrobe. ETFs and corporations, those boogeymen of market purity, have poured in. Price action? Counterintuitive, you say. But is it not the nature of the times to be counterintuitive? Thirty-five billion dollars in short interest, amassed like a pile of forbidden literature, is now kindling. ETFs, merciless, have absorbed 245,000 BTC in one quarter—nearly 1% of the world’s supply! Public companies, with the same voraciousness as apparatchiks requisitioning wheat, add billions to their balance sheets. Standard Chartered dares to call this “a new flow regime.” We used to call it “someone else’s problem.” Now, miners cannot supply the needs, outpaced threefold. Even the pickax can’t keep up with Wall Street.

Outside our window, the American machine keeps humming. Nonfarm payrolls report: 147,000 more citizens added to the worker’s parade, and unemployment snipped to 4.1%. Expectations for the great rate cut—once a sure bet—are now at 5%, down from 24%. Tighter belts usually strangle risk assets, but Bitcoin? It floats. It’s not a “high-beta” asset; it’s a magnet dragged through a scrapyard of liquidity. The wise men in three-piece suits put faith in the S&P 500 and Nasdaq, rising alongside, while the Dow adds 164 points—a rounding error, perhaps, but in such days even crumbs are victories.

International Theater of the Absurd: Geopolitics Edition

America, not content with its own dramas, throws tariffs like Molotov cocktails. July 9: Six nations get whacked—Algeria, Iraq (30%), Brunei, Libya, Moldova (25%), the Philippines (20%). Meanwhile, Japan and South Korea clutch their hats, flinching at threats. History says: tariffs mean inflation, chaos, asset firesales. Yet Bitcoin sits, sphinx-like, ignoring it all. Perhaps it’s the vodka talking. Traders still sip their Kalashnikov cocktails, waiting for the ceiling to fall—and maybe they should.

James Butterfill, in a past life perhaps a railway clerk, now opines: tariffs might slow growth, spook even fearless Bitcoin. Nansen’s Nicolai Sondergaard, meanwhile, would have advised the Politburo: don’t be fooled by hysteria. Tariffs will scare the horses, but—we all expect a last-day reprieve. The curtain’s true rise? August 1. If the tariffs stick, the Bitcoin calm breaks. Until then, comrades, it’s a waiting game—like poker night in a Siberian winter. Pass the salt, watch the charts, and never trust a bear. 🐻❄️

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2025-07-09 23:20