Right, Snap (SNAP +1.95%). Snapchat. The app where photos disappear faster than my broker’s fees. Closed Friday at $5.22, up a smidge. A smidge. Don’t get excited. This week? Down 24.68%. That’s enough to make a seasoned trader weep… or at least switch to decaf. Investors had a momentary lapse of reason today, reassessing the post-earnings smackdown, and a few analysts suddenly remembered Snap existed. It’s like finding a five-dollar bill in an old coat. Pleasant, but hardly a retirement plan.
Volume hit 89 million shares. 89 million! That’s like everyone in Cleveland decided to day trade. It’s up 96% from their usual sleepy average. This stock IPO’d in 2017. 2017! It’s fallen 79% since then. I’ve seen better returns on lottery tickets… and I don’t buy lottery tickets!
How the Markets Did Today (Or, The Daily Circus)
The S&P 500 (^GSPC +1.97%) rose 1.97% to 6,932. A respectable bump. The Nasdaq Composite (^IXIC +2.18%) gained 2.18% to 23,031. Good for them. They’re trying. Among the social media rabble, Meta Platforms (META 1.24%) dipped to $661.46 – down 1.31%. Zuckerberg’s still counting his money, though. Pinterest (PINS +1.53%) ended at $19.60, up 1.45%. They’re cutting 15% of their staff to focus on AI. AI! As if a robot can tell you what shoes to buy. Trust me, I’ve seen the algorithms. They’re terrible.
What This Means For Investors (Or, Don’t Bet the Farm)
Snap’s little bounce today? A mirage. Wednesday’s earnings beat expectations, but ad revenue was lower than forecast. Lower! It’s like ordering a steak and getting a chicken nugget. Falling daily users also raised concerns. And potential regulations restricting under-18s? Oh, the humanity! Like teenagers aren’t resourceful enough to find loopholes. They’ll be Snapchatting from behind VPNs before you can say “privacy violation.”
B. Riley upgraded the stock to Buy from Neutral. Neutral! The most wishy-washy rating in the business. They maintained a $10 price target. Ten dollars! I once got more for a slightly used rubber chicken. Stifel upgraded it to Hold from Sell. Hold! That’s the analyst equivalent of saying “Meh.” They argue Snap is developing new revenue opportunities. Sure. And I’m developing a time machine.
Investors are watching Snap’s augmented reality Spectacles launch. Spectacles! An early-mover advantage could backfire if the quality isn’t there. Imagine walking around looking like you’re starring in a low-budget sci-fi movie. The humiliation alone could bankrupt the company. Frankly, I’m placing my bets on the rubber chicken.
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2026-02-07 01:42