Shiny Coins & Silly Numbers

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Now, for a century or so, stocks have been the chaps who’ve put on a bit of a show when it comes to making money. But lately – oh, lately! – these digital doodads called cryptocurrencies have been leaping about like fleas on a hound dog. It’s quite a sight, really.

Back in 2016, all these digital whatsits weren’t worth a handful of peanuts – less than 8 billion dollars, if you must know. But fast forward a bit, and now – well, now they’re worth a staggering 2.38 trillion dollars! It’s enough to make a grown man spill his tea. Two of the biggest, Bitcoin and XRP, have zoomed up by 18,500% and 17,450% respectively. A most peculiar spectacle.

And the chaps on Wall Street? They’re still babbling about even more gains. They’re predicting these coins will shoot for the stars. But let me tell you, when something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. It’s a bit like promising a child a mountain of sweets – lovely in theory, disastrous for the teeth.

XRP: A 768% Boost by 2028 (They Say)

A fellow named Geoffrey Kendrick, over at Standard Chartered, is convinced XRP will reach $8 in 2026, $10.40 in 2027, and a whopping $12.50 by 2028. That’s a 768% increase, he claims. Now, Geoffrey seems a perfectly pleasant sort, but these predictions… well, they’re a bit like building a house on a cloud.

He reckons these ‘spot XRP ETFs’ – whatever those are – will bring in a flood of money. And that a silly old squabble with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission is finally over. It’s as if sweeping the dirt under the rug makes the problem disappear. He also thinks this XRP Ledger, a complicated bit of machinery, will be crucial for ‘tokenization’. Honestly, it sounds like gobbledegook to me.

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But let’s not get carried away. XRP has lost a good chunk of its sparkle, tumbling over 60% from its highest point. And there’s a reason for that. It lacks… substance. It’s a bridge currency for RippleNet, yes, but not everyone needs to use XRP. It’s a bit like having a fancy, unnecessary gadget – looks good, doesn’t actually do much.

And while RippleNet has a few hundred financial friends, over 11,000 banks still rely on the old-fashioned SWIFT system. Trying to pry those banks away is like trying to unstick a particularly stubborn piece of toffee.

Bitcoin: A 1,629% Leap by 2030 (According to Some)

Now, a 768% gain for XRP is nothing compared to what Cathie Wood, a lady with very optimistic spectacles, is predicting for Bitcoin. She thinks it’ll soar by 1,629% by 2030, reaching a price of $1.2 million! She’s even lowered her prediction from $1.5 million, which is a bit like admitting your giant pumpkin isn’t quite as giant as you thought.

Cathie believes Bitcoin is a ‘safe haven’ – a place to hide your money when things get wobbly. She calls it ‘digital gold‘, and thinks it’s a good bet against expanding money supplies. It’s a clever idea, but it relies on people believing in this ‘digital gold’ – and that’s a bit of a leap of faith.

She also thinks emerging markets and institutional investors will flock to Bitcoin, thanks to these new ‘spot Bitcoin ETFs’. It’s all very exciting, but I suspect the reality will be a bit more… subdued.

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The truth is, Bitcoin’s scarcity is just a few lines of computer code. It’s not like gold, which is a finite resource. Anyone with a keyboard could theoretically create more Bitcoin, though they probably won’t. It’s an illusion of scarcity, a clever trick.

And let’s not forget El Salvador, who embraced Bitcoin with open arms. It was a grand experiment, but it failed miserably. Bitcoin is far too volatile for everyday use, and it’s neither the fastest nor the cheapest way to settle transactions. It’s a first-generation technology, surpassed by newer, more efficient systems.

So, while Bitcoin may have had a head start, its time is fading. Don’t expect it to reach $1.2 million by 2030. It’s a bit like expecting a tired old donkey to win the Grand National.

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2026-02-11 13:12