Oy vey! Strategy, formerly known as MicroStrategy (because apparently, strategy is too hard to spell 🤪), just announced they’ve snatched up almost 7,000 more Bitcoins! That’s like, $584 million! Are they trying to corner the market or something? Maybe they’re building a giant Scrooge McDuck money bin, but filled with digital coins!
In a brand-new tweet on X (formerly Twitter, because rebranding is all the rage!), Strategy is bragging that they now own over 500,000 BTC! Half a MILLION! I haven’t seen numbers that big since I looked at the national debt! 🤦♂️
“Strategy has acquired 6,911 BTC for ~$584.1 million at ~$84,529 per bitcoin and has achieved BTC Yield of 7.7% YTD 2025. As of 3/23/2025, we hodl 506,137 BTC acquired for ~$33.7 billion at ~$66,608 per bitcoin.” What a schpiel! So basically, they’re betting the farm on this digital tulip bulb. I hope they know what they’re doing! 🙏
According to some nerds at BitcoinTreasuries.net, Strategy now controls over 2% of all the Bitcoin in the world! Two percent! That’s almost as much as I own in my imaginary crypto portfolio! 😂
Other big shots in the Bitcoin game include MARA Holdings, Riot Platforms, Tesla, and Coinbase. But they’re just pikers compared to Saylor’s crew! They own less than 1% combined! It’s like David and Goliath, except Goliath has a supercomputer and David is holding a bag of Doritos! 🍟
Two weeks ago, during the great crypto panic of ’25, Strategy’s executive chairman, Michael Saylor, decided to double down like a gambler on a losing streak! He announced a $21 billion stock sale! That’s a lot of moolah! All to buy more of this digital gold! It’s like he’s daring the market to call his bluff! 😈
Apparently, the funds are for “general corporate purposes,” but let’s be honest, it’s ALL about the Bitcoin, baby! He’s got Bitcoin fever, and the only cure is… MORE BITCOIN! 🤡
Strategy’s calling this the “21/21 plan,” because everything in crypto has to have a fancy name. It’s all about raising capital through some fancy-schmancy “8% Series A Perpetual Strike Preferred Stock.” Sounds complicated, right? Don’t worry, it is! 🤯
This “perpetual preferred stock” thingy lets Strategy raise a ton of dough without having to pay it back anytime soon. It’s like borrowing money from your grandma, except your grandma is Wall Street! 👵
While yapping at CPAC, Saylor declared that Bitcoin is “digital property” and the key to America owning cyberspace in the future! So, basically, Bitcoin is the new Manifest Destiny! He’s going full crypto-patriot on us! Land of the free, home of the Bitcoin! 🇺🇸
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2025-03-24 21:42