Satoshi’s Ghost? 😱 Dorsey’s Bitcoin Betrayal!

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Ah, Bitcoin! That fever dream of digital gold, now embroiled in yet another existential crisis. It seems our dear Jack Dorsey, once the bard of Twitter, now a prophet of Block Inc., has dared to suggest we abandon the sacred satoshi. 😲 Yes, the very unit that allows us to pretend we understand the intricate dance of digital finance. He says, with the audacity of a man who has seen too much code, that these “sats” are, alas, too confusing for the uninitiated. As if understanding Bitcoin itself isn’t a descent into madness!

Dorsey, in his infinite wisdom, echoes the sentiment of one “grubles,” suggesting we simply call every indivisible integer… Bitcoin. Bitcoin of Bitcoin? Is this some kind of recursive nightmare? One imagines old Satoshi Nakamoto spinning in his digital grave, muttering about the folly of men. 👻 A critic, perhaps one too sane for this circus, dared to suggest that this is a worry for those with nothing else to fret over. To which Dorsey, with the fervor of a religious zealot, proclaims: “I’m very worried about Bitcoin becoming money. It must!” As if the fate of humanity hangs in the balance. 😂

A Proposal So Bold, It Could Only Be Born of Despair

Enter BIP 177, a document so audacious, so revolutionary, that it threatens to shatter the very foundations of our understanding. Penned by Synonym CEO and developer John Carvalho, it proposes to redefine the “bitcoin” unit, making the base unit the primary reference. Imagine! Eliminating the eight-decimal presentation! 🤯 What will we do with ourselves? Instead of 1 BTC, we shall have 100,000,000 bitcoins. A veritable ocean of bitcoins! Though, internally, nothing changes, because of course not. Wallets will offer a legacy toggle, a nostalgic nod to the good old days of manageable numbers. How very generous.

Carvalho, in his infinite hubris, argues that this cleans up education and user interfaces. As if the problem lies in the numbers, and not in the fundamental absurdity of it all. No, he insists, Bitcoin’s ledger represents values as integral base units. The decimal point, he claims, is merely a human-imposed abstraction. As if humanity hasn’t imposed enough abstractions already! Supporters, those brave souls, say it removes the psychological hurdle that drives newcomers to cheaper-looking altcoins. Because, naturally, appearances are everything in this grand charade. It’s merely a “stock split,” they say, not a monetary debasement. As if we’re all fools.

But resistance! Oh, the resistance! Fierce and unrelenting. Cory Klippsten, Michelle Weekley, Magdalena Gronowska—voices of reason in a world gone mad. They warn that multiplying apparent supply from 21 million to 2.1 quadrillion “bitcoins” would sow chaos. Chaos, I say! Weekley, bless her heart, counters that “people understand cents in a dollar, they will understand sats in a Bitcoin.” As if the human mind is capable of such feats of mental gymnastics. Gronowska fears some users “could think that Bitcoin abruptly crashed from its current price of around $100,000 and that its supply has massively inflated.” The horror! The absolute horror! 😱

Yet, even Robin Linus, creator of the Bitcoin Virtual Machine, notes that Satoshi himself anticipated such madness. In a Bitcointalk post from the dawn of the internet, Satoshi wrote: “If it gets tiresome working with small numbers, we could change where the display shows the decimal point… Same amount of money, just different convention.” As if the great Satoshi foresaw the depths of our numerical despair. 🙄

The denomination debate, alas, is not new. Jimmy Song’s 2017 BIP 176 proposed “bits” (one-millionth of a BTC) as a friendlier frontage. But Carvalho, in his relentless pursuit of simplicity, dismisses it as retaining a “layered decimal approach” and “shifting complexity rather than eliminating it.” As if we could ever truly eliminate complexity from this tangled web. 🕸️

No Bitcoin consensus-critical change has been activated since the Taproot soft fork in November 2021, and BIP 177 would likewise require only interface, not protocol, updates—yet a norm change still depends on widespread voluntary adoption by wallets, exchanges, and payment processors. A voluntary adoption! Imagine relying on the whims of the masses. 🤪

For now, the market shows little concern. Bitcoin changed hands at about $102,786. Because, in the end, does any of this really matter? Perhaps we are all just characters in a grand, absurdist play, and the joke is on us. 🎭

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2025-05-19 13:43