Retirees: Let’s Talk About Your Dividend Fix

Alright. Let’s get comfortable. Pretend we’re at a slightly sticky pub in Notting Hill – the kind where the napkins are always damp, and someone’s definitely had a breakdown in the loo. You’ve got your half-pint. I’ve got my third gin. And I’m going to tell you the truth about retirement income: you’re terrified. Not of running out of money, no – that’s obvious. You’re terrified of being boring. Of sitting in a beige armchair, counting pennies like a Beckett character who forgot the plot.

But what if I told you reliable income doesn’t have to be dull? What if I said two utterly unglamorous companies – one that owns boring shops, another that owns pipes you don’t want to think about – are quietly printing cash like accountants laundering joy? Realty Income (O) and Oneok (OKE) aren’t sexy. They’re not going viral. But they’ve been paying dividends longer than your marriage has lasted. Possibly longer than your mortgage. And honestly? That’s the kind of loyalty you can set your watch to.

The Commitment You Never Thought You’d Find

Look at Realty Income. Monthly dividend? Check. 664 of them in a row – yes, monthly, like a period you never skip. Raised it 132 times since 1994. The last 112 quarters? Bumped up. Every. Single. One. Thirty years. That’s longer than I’ve kept a therapist.

They yield 5.5%. Let that sink in. The S&P 500 wheezes out 1.2%. So you’re not just earning more – you’re earning smugly. And the reason? They own strip malls, warehouses, dollar stores, and things called “data centers” (which, fine, are probably important). But here’s the kicker: tenants pay for everything – taxes, insurance, even fixing that one leaky skylight in Topeka. All Realty Income does is cash the check. It’s managed growth, not gamble. It’s not exciting. It’s safe. And sometimes safe is the most radical act of all.

They pay out about 75% of their adjusted cash flow. So they keep a chunk to buy more stuff – more boring buildings, more steady income. Their balance sheet? Stronger than my resolve after a second G&T. And the market for this kind of real estate? $14 trillion in the U.S. and Europe. So they’re not running out of places to stick a flag in the ground. Which means, yes, the dividend should keep crawling upward. Not sprinting. Crawling. But in retirement? Crawling wins. Especially when you’re not trying to die.

Now, Let’s Talk About Pipes. (Yes, I Said Pipes.)

Oneok (OKE) is basically the guy at the party who says one sentence and everyone goes, “Oh. That’s the expert.” It’s a midstream energy company. Which means it moves natural gas through very long tubes. Romantic, I know. But here’s the magic: the contracts are long-term, fee-based, and utterly divorced from oil prices. It doesn’t matter if crude crashes. Oneok still gets paid. Like a tollbooth on the highway to hell.

They’ve grown their dividend for over 25 years. Not perfectly – missed a year here and there. But over the last decade? Nearly doubled it. While everyone else panicked. Yield? 6%. Yes, six. In this market. That’s the kind of number that makes your pension plan blush.

They’ve got projects lined up through 2028. Acquisitions still cooking. Demand for gas? Rising. Their balance sheet? Investment-grade. Low leverage. You know what that means in my line of work? It means they’re not one bad quarter from becoming a cautionary tale. They’re building. Expanding. Earning. And sending you a check just for holding on. They’re even confident they can grow the dividend 3% to 4% a year. Inflation-beating, sanity-preserving, “I can still afford decent wine” territory.

So What Now?

Here’s the thing they don’t tell you about retirement: it’s not about freedom. It’s about rhythm. About predictability. About knowing that every month, like clockwork, something arrives. Not a text from an ex. A dividend. Realty Income. Oneok. They won’t make you rich overnight. But they’ll keep the lights on. They’ll buy your gin. They’ll let you sit in that armchair – not as a prisoner, but as a person who finally figured out the only trade that matters: stability for peace.

And honestly? That’s kind of beautiful. 🔁

2025-10-21 04:23

The Commitment You Never Thought You’d Find

Now, Let’s Talk About Pipes. (Yes, I Said Pipes.)

So What Now?

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