Panic as Gold Triumphs While Bitcoin Trips: What Peter Schiff Won’t Tell You!

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If there’s one thing Peter Schiff loves more than gold, it’s telling people just how fabulous gold is compared to that “digital Beanie Baby,” Bitcoin. Over the previous weekend—where most of us were seeking solace from life’s daily absurdities—gold apparently put on its best suit and rose an elegant 3% from Friday to Monday. Meanwhile, Bitcoin, in true tragicomedy form, slipped by 3%, probably tripped over a USB stick, and sulked off into the week. Peter, whose career strategy has been yelling “gold!” in crowded internet forums, interprets this as conclusive proof that Bitcoin is about as much like gold as a plastic duck is like a swan.

Gold rose over $90 today. That’s a 3% gain from Friday’s close. Over the same time period Bitcoin fell by 3%. How can something that is claimed to be a digital version of gold, trade like the mirror image of gold? Bitcoin may be digital, but it’s got nothing in common with gold. 🪙💸

— Peter Schiff (@PeterSchiff) May 5, 2025

Now, call me suspicious, but this feels a bit like saying water isn’t like wine because you won’t wake up regretting a poorly-timed text message after drinking it. Gary at the pub will tell you that logic doesn’t hold water, and neither does Peter’s.

Peter vs. the Bitcoin Hordes

Here’s the twist: the analogy between Bitcoin and gold is just that—an analogy. Nobody with internet access or a shred of sanity has ever suggested that Bitcoin is redeemable for shiny metal ingots at your nearest pawn shop. In fact, the comparison starts with Satoshi Nakamoto, a shadowy figure who mysteriously vanished just as Reddit got interesting. On Halloween 2008, Satoshi mentioned that minting new Bitcoin requires effort, sort of like gold miners with pickaxes, except miners need energy drinks and graphics cards, not canaries.

“The steady addition of a constant amount of new coins is analogous to gold miners expending resources to add gold to circulation. In our case, it is CPU time and electricity that is expended.”

So, if you want new coins, you don’t get your hands dirty. You pay your power company instead and hope your GPU doesn’t melt.

Gold, Bitcoin, and the Enduring Analogy

Michael Saylor on Gold vs Fiat vs #Bitcoin

— Vivek (@Vivek4real_) March 9, 2025

Never one to let an argument end while he still has internet access, Peter declares:

“Gold is 100% intrinsic value. Bitcoin is 100% faith.”

Unfortunately, the universe, in one of its cheekiest moves, made the concept “intrinsic value” about as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster. Gold is lustrous, doesn’t rust, and won’t explode when you drop it—not unlike your favorite housecat, but shinier and with fewer vet bills. It is rare, durable, interchangeable, and everyone pretty much agrees on what it is. The clever wonks behind Bitcoin said, “We can do that—digitally!” and set about creating an ultra-scarce, decentralized, open spreadsheet guarded by cryptographic magic.

When it comes to dodging the monetary shenanigans of central banks firing up the currency printers, gold has traditionally been the go-to grumpy uncle of the investment world. But Bitcoin has somehow managed, for large swathes of the modern era, to out-perform gold in being the asset you buy because you don’t trust anyone—including, let’s face it, Bitcoin itself half the time.

And that, dear reader, is how you end up on the internet, watching the world’s leading gold enthusiast shout into the void while Bitcoin quietly continues to be… whatever it is today. 🍕🚀

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2025-05-11 23:34