Palantir\’s Perverse Ride: A Value Investor’s Odyssey 🎢

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Economic uncertainty, market volatility, and the eternal struggle between optimism and prudence have long been the tools of the Guild of Alchemists and Venture Capitalists1. Palantir Technologies-if it were a character in a Discworld-style allegory-would resemble a particularly smug wizard who announces he’s invented a new spell for turning data into gold2. Only to discover, three months later, his cauldron has spewed more smoke than profit.

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Five years ago, Palantir-then a modest purveyor of “AI Platforms” (read: glorified spreadsheets for government types)-was all hubris and half-written algorithms3. Its direct listing in late 2020 was the kind of event that makes even the Unseen University of Coders4 pause for a (long) coffee break. Shareholders poured in, lured by tales of 300% growth. Then came the classic market tantrum: an 84% pullback. The stock, like a squirrel with a penchant for performance art, told investors to “wait for the encore” before vanishing behind a bush made of fears about post-pandemic valuations.

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Yet persistence-Palantir’s underappreciated secret-weighed in. While rivals danced with AI fantasies, Palantir quietly diversified its revenue streams. The wisdom of shifting from “Divination Peaks” (government contracts) to “Trading Valleys” (commercial clients) mirrors the ancient principle of not putting all your gold in one crypt5. By 2024, commercial revenue leaped 93% year over year, prove that even data-savvy wizards occasionally need to look at the small print6.

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If you’d tossed $1,000 at Palantir back when its stock read like a Kafkaesque futures contract, you’d now have $18,320. This isn’t alchemy. It’s arithmetic with a side of obstinacy. The real magic lies not in the AI platforms but in the investor who chooses not to abandon ship when the seas get rocky7. As for the tech industry’s future? It’s a party of one-upmanship. But as the Discworld’s Vimes always said: “Predictions give the future points; markets give the future a punch and ask if it needs a nap.”

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So here’s to value investors. You alone know the joy of watching a stock turn your patience into a dividend. Or, as the Vetinari of Ankh-Morpork would whisper, “Never let a crisis go to waste. Especially if it’s someone else’s.” 🎢

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Alchemists noted in 2023 that the Guild’s financial spells were 63% more likely to fail on a Tuesday.Golden data. Or rather, data so abundant it could flood the orcish caravans.Hubris is tax-deductible in realms where dragons audit the budget.Founded in 1777 by a goat named Pratchett. Their error logs are lyrical.Diversification is the art of paying attention to more than just your eldritch summonings.93% growth is impressive-which one believes if “growth” is defined as “not collapsing entirely.”.Absent the ship, obviously. Cruising through equities in a fiscal galleon is strongly discouraged.Palantir’s Perverse Ride: A Value Investor’s Odyssey 🎢

Economic uncertainty, market volatility, and the eternal struggle between optimism and prudence have long been the tools of the Guild of Alchemists and Venture Capitalists1. Palantir Technologies-if it were a character in a Discworld-style allegory-would resemble a particularly smug wizard who announces he’s invented a new spell for turning data into gold2. Only to discover, three months later, his cauldron has spewed more smoke than profit.

Five years ago, Palantir-then a modest purveyor of “AI Platforms” (read: glorified spreadsheets for government types)-was all hubris and half-written algorithms3. Its direct listing in late 2020 was the kind of event that makes even the Unseen University of Coders4 pause for a (long) coffee break. Shareholders poured in, lured by tales of 300% growth. Then came the classic market tantrum: an 84% pullback. The stock, like a squirrel with a penchant for performance art, told investors to “wait for the encore” before vanishing behind a bush made of fears about post-pandemic valuations.

Yet persistence-Palantir’s underappreciated secret-weighed in. While rivals danced with AI fantasies, Palantir quietly diversified its revenue streams. The wisdom of shifting from “Divination Peaks” (government contracts) to “Trading Valleys” (commercial clients) mirrors the ancient principle of not putting all your gold in one crypt5. By 2024, commercial revenue leaped 93% year over year, prove that even data-savvy wizards occasionally need to look at the small print6.

Loading widget...

If you’d tossed $1,000 at Palantir back when its stock read like a Kafkaesque futures contract, you’d now have $18,320. This isn’t alchemy. It’s arithmetic with a side of obstinacy. The real magic lies not in the AI platforms but in the investor who chooses not to abandon ship when the seas get rocky7. As for the tech industry’s future? It’s a party of one-upmanship. But as the Discworld’s Vimes always said: “Predictions give the future points; markets give the future a punch and ask if it needs a nap.”

So here’s to value investors. You alone know the joy of watching a stock turn your patience into a dividend. Or, as the Vetinari of Ankh-Morpork would whisper, “Never let a crisis go to waste. Especially if it’s someone else’s.” 🎢

Alchemists noted in 2023 that the Guild’s financial spells were 63% more likely to fail on a Tuesday.Golden data. Or rather, data so abundant it could flood the orcish caravans.Hubris is tax-deductible in realms where dragons audit the budget.Founded in 1777 by a goat named Pratchett. Their error logs are lyrical.Diversification is the art of paying attention to more than just your eldritch summonings.93% growth is impressive-which one believes if “growth” is defined as “not collapsing entirely.”.Absent the ship, obviously. Cruising through equities in a fiscal galleon is strongly discouraged.

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2025-10-14 03:02