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CHAT, you see, is a creature of recent vintage, sprung forth from the ether following the sudden pronouncements of a digital oracle named ChatGPT. It proclaims itself a champion of “generative” intelligence – as if intelligence could be generated, like so many pamphlets in a provincial town. VGT, on the other hand, is a veteran of countless market skirmishes, a broad and sprawling empire of technology, its holdings numbering in the hundreds. It is the sort of fund one might expect to encounter presiding over a dusty archive, meticulously cataloging every conceivable innovation, no matter how trivial.

Three years have passed since the advent of generative artificial intelligence, birthed from the laboratories of OpenAI. A veritable frenzy of valuation followed, inflating the market capitalization of countless companies, rendering the search for genuine value increasingly difficult. Micron Technology, too, has felt the upward draft, yet its valuation, considered against the burgeoning demand for its wares, remains… restrained. A peculiar circumstance, worthy of closer inspection.

Higher yields, of course, often whisper tales of hidden perils. But with Oneok, the foundations appear…solid. Not merely stable, mind you, but imbued with a certain…obstinacy. It’s a rock, if you will, refusing to be moved by the whims of fortune. This allows them, quite brazenly, to offer investors yet another raise. One imagines the accountants are having palpitations, but the directors seem…amused.

The SPDW, she’s a bit like a sturdy, no-nonsense riverboat, stickin’ to the well-charted waters of established nations. The ACWX, now, she’s a bit more adventurous, willin’ to venture into the wilder reaches of developin’ lands. Both are large ETFs, mind, but one’s a bit more selective in its company than the other. It’s a matter of what kind of risk a fella’s willing to court, and how much he values a smooth sail versus a bit of a thrill.

The company’s valuation last year was, shall we say, ambitious. It was like they were pricing in the singularity before they’d actually built a decent chatbot. Now, a dip can create an opportunity, but it also begs the question: is this a correction, or are we witnessing a slow-motion tech crash?

I took a look. Digging through the numbers, the fine print, the stuff most investors skip. Trying to figure out which one, if either, is worth the bother. It’s a close-run thing, this one. Like betting on which alley cat will cross the street first.

The Vanguard Russell 2000 ETF (VTWO 1.80%), a collection of these smaller enterprises, carries a price-to-earnings ratio of 17.5. Not extravagant, certainly. A suggestion of value, perhaps. But value, like a distant relative, is often more promise than present reality. Will this year be different? One asks the question, knowing full well that the market rarely offers definitive answers.

SoFi started as a student loan refiner, a relatively benign operation. Now? They’re trying to be EVERYTHING. A bank, an investment platform, a goddamn financial ecosystem. It’s a bold move, bordering on delusional. But it’s working. People are apparently desperate enough to consolidate all their financial sins into a single app. The cross-selling strategy is insidious, brilliant. Hook ’em with a low-interest loan, then bleed ’em dry with fees and “personalized” investment advice. It’s the American dream, distilled into an algorithm. And the numbers… the numbers are obscene. Record new customers, revenue up 38% year-over-year. They’re scaling faster than a goddamn virus. Lending, financial services, the B2B tech platform… everything’s growing. Double-digit growth. It’s a feeding frenzy. And no brick-and-mortar stores? Genius. Cut the fat, maximize the profit. It’s ruthless, efficient, and frankly, a little terrifying.

Last October witnessed a brief, almost absurd, surge in the stock’s value, fuelled by the predictable mechanics of a short-squeeze. Prices rose by an order of magnitude in a matter of days. This, however, proved to be a phantom prosperity, a momentary delusion quickly dispelled. One is reminded of a bubble, inflated by hope and punctured by reality.

This Ethereum, you see, was the first to build these clever little contraptions called ‘smart contracts’. Tiny digital workers that whiz and whir, doing the bidding of anyone who can poke them with the right code. A lot of these digital doodads run on Ethereum’s network. Partly because it’s been around a while, like a particularly stubborn old oak tree, and partly because it’s rather good at keeping things secure, which is more than can be said for some of the newer, flashier networks. They promise speed and cheapness, but often end up looking like a house of cards in a hurricane.