In a December manifesto (written during someone’s holiday latte nap), Qureshi warned that after years of rollercoaster investing, everyone’s either on Xanax or crypto. The winners? Projects with “durability, distribution, and real-world usage” – i.e., not your Great-Uncle’s meme token. 🚨
Look, behind-the-scenes footage confirmed that the four massive numerals towering over One Times Square-the same spot where we pretend it’s exciting to watch a ball drop-contain precisely 589 energy-efficient LED bulbs. 🌟 Not 590. Not 588. 589. Which, statistically, is about as meaningful as the number of Cheetos in a “sharing size” bag. But hey, facts are fun until someone in crypto misinterprets them!
And now, as this bull, fat and slow from three years of easy gains, lumbers into 2026, the ground beneath it trembles. The Federal Reserve, that temple of cloaked men adjusting dials for the powerful, whispers uncertainty. Not in parables, but in dissenting votes and contradictory projections-raw data that even the blind can read. The S&P, still dancing, does not care. Or pretends not to.
It appears Trust Wallet stumbled into a rather unfortunate situation around Christmas Day. Seems a bad browser extension update decided to gatecrash the party, specifically targeting desktop users. Naturally, this resulted in thousands of users reporting losses and requesting a refund; a bit like finding out Santa replaced your presents with IOUs. 🤔
Big Tech’s robot overlords took a coffee break. Nvidia (NVDA 1.19%) and Palantir (PLTR 2.40%) stumbled as investors whispered, “What have you done for me lately?” Gold miners like Newmont (NEM 5.64%) plunged 5%-the precious metal’s midlife crisis continues. So it goes.
The post-transaction holding, a figure of 1.73 million shares valued at $99.14 million, appears to the untrained eye as a triumph of calculation. Yet within the firm’s internal mechanisms, this number is but a fragment of a larger, unknowable equation. The firm, which claims $1.27 billion in total U.S. equity positions across 16 holdings, seems to operate under laws no human could ever fully grasp, its decisions dictated by an unseen algorithmic will.
On November 13, Callodine filed paperwork with the SEC revealing they bought 765,275 shares of FCPT. That’s a pretty hefty stake-$18.67 million, to be exact. It’s their first time holding FCPT in their quarterly report, which feels like a secret handshake with a company that’s been quietly doing its thing. I wonder if they’re betting on a comeback or just hedging their bets with a predictable cash flow.
Breaking news: A groundbreaking on-chain analysis has uncovered the shocking truth 🚨 that Polymarket’s prediction markets are about as fair as a coin toss with a magnet. Turns out, the house isn’t the only one winning-just 0.04% of traders are taking home 70% of the cash. What a surprise.
The filing of November 12th reveals not merely a financial transaction, but a strategic declaration. With the acquisition of these additional shares, Triata now holds 2 million ACMR shares valued at $78.39 million – a position constituting 9.15% of their 13F portfolio, and securing its place as their fourth most significant alliance. This consolidation occurs amidst a broader portfolio worth $856.81 million, where ACM Research now stands alongside internet darlings such as PDD and VNET in what might be considered a most unconventional marriage of interests.
“Because, obviously, we don’t want to accidentally hand over crypto to some random internet con artist,” Chen said, as if explaining basic adulting. “Our team’s busy playing detective, cross-referencing data like we’re solving a Netflix true crime documentary.”