With traders split on their next move and volatility strategies in full-on circus mode, all eyes are now glued to key support levels. Will this expiry shake the market out of its deep, sloth-like slumber? Only time will tell. But if you’re betting on excitement, place your chips carefully.
It was a week of revelations, and among them, Kendrick’s insight stood out like a beacon in the fog. For those who have not yet delved into the intricacies of digital finance, let me elucidate: while the spot ETH funds languish without the allure of staking rewards, the treasury companies bask in the glory of compounded gains. 🎉
Enter Mr. Stuart Alderoty, Ripple’s sagacious Chief Legal Officer, to affirm the news. With a composure that would make even Mr. Darcy blush, he announced that, following some procedural machinations (votes and courts-how dreadfully dull!), both sides trotted off to the Second Circuit and dashed off dismissal papers. In his own words: “The end… and now back to business.” Can one not practically see him dusting off his papers with a sigh and a wry smile? 😏
With all the grace of an uninvited guest at a black-tie dinner, Bitcoin has slithered its way into the corridors of power. The supposed savior, President Donald Trump-always one for theatrical gestures-threatens to forbid banks from withholding their services from crypto enterprises. A revolution? Hardly. More like a reluctant nod from a disapproving aunt.
The analysts, those modern-day oracles of the financial world, have thrown Joby into chaos. H.C. Wainwright, in a move as dramatic as a Shakespearean villain’s monologue, downgraded the stock from “buy” to “neutral,” citing valuation concerns. Meanwhile, Canaccord managed the impressive feat of both downgrading the stock to “hold” and raising its price target to $17-a financial tightrope act that would leave Cirque du Soleil envious. The stock closed at $17.25, a figure that now feels as meaningful as a prophecy from a teacup-reading llama.
And Curaleaf, Curaleaf (CURLF) – a company name that sounds like a cough drop – predictably, reported a loss for the quarter. After the bell. Of course. Like they were trying to hide it. A $53 million loss. It’s not *much* worse than last year, they’re saying. Not much worse! As if that’s a selling point. “Hey, we’re still losing a fortune, but it’s a slightly more *manageable* fortune!” What is that? It’s just… a loss.
Act the First: The Analyst’s Flattering Mirror.
Our farce commences with Monsignor Gong of UBS, who, like some benevolent but deluded patron of the arts, declares Pony AI worthy of a princely $20-a most optimistic appraisal for a company whose primary achievement hitherto is piloting empty carriages through Beijing’s thoroughfares (albeit without drivers, which is something, if one ignores the occasional pedestrian’s startled leap).
In the past 24 hours, DeXe [DEXE] surged by 8.43%. A modest dance for this asset, which has been flirting with bullish winds week after week. Don’t get too comfortable-they say the tide can turn, even after a good swim.
Bloomberg’s oracle, Anna Wong, proclaimed this a black swan event-a three-standard-deviation move, rarer than a poet’s silence. “Adjusted for the Bureau’s birth-death model,” she intoned, “the hiring pace turns outright negative.” The labor market, once a re-accelerating chariot, now cools abruptly, its horses spooked by the specter of revision. 🌪️
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