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Indeed, the platform now offers contracts of a diminutive size – they call them “nano,” as if mimicking the aspirations of the market itself. And leverage! A fearsome ten-fold, they proclaim! One might easily envision fortunes won… and lost, with remarkable swiftness! 💸 I trust our esteemed investors possess both discernment and a considerable reserve of coin, for such indulgence! It demands a separate, rigorous approval, naturally. One must prove oneself worthy of such a privilege. 😉

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, ever the paragon of optimism, reveals that Anne Arundel Dermatology (AAD) was invaded by a hacker with the subtlety of a drunken ballerina. 🧛‍♂️

“Pray tell, how fares my standing now, dear @TedPillows?” quoth he, replying to a jibe from three moons hence, a quip courtesy of Ted Pillows, noble partner at the crypto exchange OKX, who did scoff at Trump back in April when ETH took a mystical dive! 🏊‍♂️

Founded in 2013, BitGo is like the custodian of your wildest crypto dreams (or nightmares, depending on how the market’s doing). They provide security services for digital assets, acting as a digital vault for institutional investors like banks, hedge funds, and crypto exchanges. And boy, have they been busy! 🤯 Their assets under custody have gone from $60 billion to $100 billion in just the first half of 2025. That’s like, a lot of money 💸.

On that fateful day, July 19, our daring hero Hayes waxed lyrical about the whispers of the Bank of Japan (BOJ) stepping in like a ninja to supply U.S. dollars against all that pooled collateral—starting July 17, no less! This bold maneuver? A “pivotal macro development for crypto markets,” he asserts, echoing with dramatic flair, “This is huge!” If only the BOJ had a flair for the theatrical, we might’ve seen them do a little dance as well! 💃💸

Since that oh-so-promising bullish break on 23 June, Pudgy Penguins [PENGU] has been on a wild ride, surging by 170% on the 1-day chart. And on Monday, 21 July, it pulled off an extra 21.7% gain – like it was trying to prove a point. Because nothing screams “I’m on top of the world” quite like a penguin doing a flip in the charts, right? (No, really.)

This growth suggests people are increasingly trusting the XRPL with their assets, which is either a testament to blockchain’s promise or proof that humans will digitize literally anything—including their grandmother’s china collection. 🤖🏺