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No company wishes to be cast as the fool in this performance, for fear of being left behind in the so-called “AI race.” And who should they call upon but Nvidia, purveyor of those miraculous GPUs that power the data centers fueling this digital bacchanal? Indeed, their first-quarter revenue of $39.1 billion—a sum fit for a king—proves the insatiable appetite for computational might. Yet, let us not mistake gluttony for wisdom; such feasts often end in indigestion.

Yet, let us not be misled; Nvidia’s not the sole player reaping the bounty of this AI bonanza. No, sir. Big players like Amazon, Microsoft, and Alphabet have also seen their market caps swell past the $2 trillion mark like a balloon at a summer fair. Meanwhile, Apple—that old stalwart—still clings to its weighty valuation while playing catch-up in the AI realm.

Let us first turn our opera glasses toward subscriber growth—a performance less chamber music than outright burglary. AT&T, in a gesture of supreme opportunism that rivals a duchess switching allegiances at the whiff of a superior vintage, has parlayed Verizon’s price increases into 479,000 new retail postpaid supplicants, of whom 401,000 pledged their monthly oblations via the sacrament known as the mobile phone. There was, alas, a not wholly lamented shedding of 34,000 prepaid acolytes, but one does not mourn the departure of the uninvited from an exclusive salon.

Let us indulge in a contemplative waltz through Cameco’s storied past and see what divine providence—or perhaps merely good fortune—awaits in the next three years.

Now, stock splits. You know, when a company says, “Hey, our shares are too expensive! Let’s just multiply them by 10 and call it a day.” It’s a weird ritual. Like, why not just lower the price? But no, they have to make it complicated. You end up with 10 shares that are each worth a tenth of what they were. It’s like splitting a pizza into 10 slices when you only wanted two. Who’s the genius who thought that was a good idea?

Amidst this uncertainty, three enterprises—Chevron, Energy Transfer, and ExxonMobil—have demonstrated a remarkable capacity to endure, their steadfastness earning them the favor of discerning observers. These are not mere enterprises, but paragons of resilience, whose dividends promise a measure of solace to those seeking stability in an age of flux.

Alphabet—most people still call it Google, like a ghost that won’t leave the house—owns Waymo: an operation that runs on electric dreams, or more accurately, electric vehicles. Not that it shows its hand. There’s a dignity in smoke and mirrors. Tesla, wearing its stock price like a halo of cigarette smoke, gets its value from robotaxis—or the wild hope of them. The paradox is thick enough to choke a night watchman.