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In this land of perpetual twilight, August arrived with the urgency of a forgotten prophecy. Three dates, etched into the calendar like talismans, promised to reveal whether the House of Mouse still held the threads of its own enchantment—or if the spell had frayed beyond repair.

So, let’s dive into this charade of ‘good news’ wrapped in a corporate *meh*.

Investors, those intrepid explorers of the capital markets, have been known to chase the next big thing with the fervor of a disciple seeking enlightenment. Quantum computing, they whisper, is the philosopher’s stone of the modern age—a solution in search of a problem, yet one that promises to transmute mere bits into boundless possibility.² IonQ, with its prototype quantum processor that fits in a room (albeit a room the size of a small village), has become the latest talisman in this quest.

Furthermore, as the titans of tech—Meta, in particular—invest more heavily in AI’s future, demanding superintelligence and the like, demand for Nvidia’s wares is likely to grow more insatiable than a critic at an all-you-can-eat buffet. It’s the kind of scenario that would make even the sceptic’s eyebrows rise—if only because the landscape is increasingly paved with the kind of dollars that make a treasure chest look like chump change.

But wait! Like a phoenix rising from its ashes—or perhaps more aptly, like a gambler who finds an extra chip in his pocket—the stock recovered some ground after Q1 earnings. Yet, dear reader, valuations have once again swelled like bread in an oven, leaving us to ponder: should one leap into this speculative abyss before the Q2 report? Or would prudence dictate we sit on the sidelines, sipping tea while others do the heavy lifting?

Last year, Nvidia did the impossible: doubled its sales. If you doubled your money every time you walked into a casino, the casino would burn down. But gravity gets everything in the end, except maybe the S&P 500. Eventually, customers buy enough chips to stack to the moon, and “competitors” show up with something that looks suspiciously like the same silicon—but cheaper. Still, a trader knows: you don’t need to keep breaking your own absurd records to make money. You just need to surpass the dreams of the crowd staring at the ticker tape.

The stablecoin industry’s growth from $20 billion to $250 billion in five years is a tale of digital gold-rush fever. Six percent of the $4 trillion crypto market may sound modest, but it’s a colossus in the making. Tether (USDT) and USDC (USDC) now rank fourth and seventh among cryptocurrencies, their market caps bloated with the savings of millions. Yet, for every dollar locked in these coins, there’s a warehouse worker in Manila or a Uber driver in São Paulo who sees only the promise of stability—and the shadow of risk.

While the breathless pronouncements about self-driving cares generally revolve around Tesla and the somewhat earnest efforts of Waymo, Uber is operating with a finesse quite its own. They’re not attempting to *build* the confounded vehicles, you see. Rather, they aim to become the rather indispensable software and – more importantly – the demand layer. Which is, frankly, much more sensible.

They’re at $3.7 billion valuation as of August 1st. Three point seven *billion*. For a company still waiting for data. It’s like…buying a timeshare based on a rendering. A *rendering*! But the industry, naturally, is doing its thing, pretending this makes sense. After Pfizer’s fiasco and Roche’s…well, whatever *that* was—spending billions and then getting nothing? It’s supposed to create an “opportunity”? Just admit it was a bad bet!