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The plan, as it stands, involves scaling back production of the Model S and X – the posh ones, if you will – and repurposing a factory to churn out humanoid robots. A million a year, they say. A million! That’s a lot of robots. It reminds me of a story about a chap who decided to collect bottle caps. Started reasonably enough, but within a year his house was entirely filled. One hopes Tesla has a slightly more robust storage solution. The third generation Optimus is due this quarter, apparently designed for actual mass production. One assumes they’ve ironed out the kinks – the last thing you want is a million robots with a penchant for spontaneous combustion.

Amazon. The big one. Lagged a bit, they say. Twelve months in the shadows. But shadows don’t last forever. Earnings are a slow burn, but they’re burning. Efficiency’s the name of the game, and they’re playing it. I’d wager a good nickel they’ll be showing a brighter face when the next quarterly report drops.

They call it the January Barometer. A fancy name for a simple idea: how the month goes, so goes the year. Some folks chase these things like they’re looking for a lost paycheck. I don’t put much stock in luck, but I do pay attention to patterns. Especially when those patterns might fatten a portfolio.

Look, I’m not saying AI isn’t the future. I’m saying if you want to actually make money from it, forget the software for a minute. The real opportunity? It’s always been in the pick-and-shovel game. The stuff that actually makes the magic happen. Which brings us to two companies I’ve been eyeing: Micron Technology and Broadcom. Don’t expect fireworks, but a quiet, steady burn is sometimes the best kind.

One shouldn’t chase miracles, of course. Just… reasonably solid ground. A few names suggest themselves, not as beacons of triumph, but as… manageable disappointments.

Grandview Research whispers of a 5.1% annual growth in the pet care market until 2030. A respectable figure, certainly. But to pin one’s hopes solely on this burgeoning industry… it feels akin to betting on a particularly fluffy poodle in a greyhound race. Chewy, for all its admirable dedication to squeaky toys and organic catnip, is a specialist. Walmart, on the other hand, is… everything. And in this age of rampant consumerism, ‘everything’ possesses a certain terrifying appeal.

USA Rare Earth, they call it. A name that rings with the hollow echo of industrial dreams. The government, ever generous with other people’s money, has dangled a billion-dollar carrot – a loan, a grant, a promise. And private investors, those who always scent opportunity in the wake of national insecurity, are adding another billion and a half. A grand sum, enough to build a mine in Sierra Blanca, a factory in Stillwater. Enough, one hopes, to actually produce something beyond optimistic press releases.

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One observes, with a certain detached curiosity, that the beneficiaries of this peculiar compulsion are, predictably, those who provide the physical substrate. It is in these purveyors of silicon and electricity that one finds, not necessarily opportunity, but a temporary respite from the unsettling feeling of being utterly superfluous. Three entities, in particular, seem poised to navigate this labyrinthine expansion, though not, one suspects, without incurring their own share of existential dread.