Google gave us a sneak peek at Ironwood during the Google Cloud Next ’25 shindig in April, and now it’s opening the floodgates. They’re pitching it as the chip for the “age of inference,” where models need to think, respond, and generate faster than a kid grabbing the last slice of cake. 🍰
In the third quarter of 2025, Uptick Partners, LLC, a name that suggests a firm perpetually one step behind the market, chose to dance with STRV, adding 61,914 shares to its portfolio. The transaction, estimated at $2.57 million, brought the firm’s total holdings to 324,864 shares, valued at $14.03 million by quarter-end. One might call it a modest coup-or perhaps a prudent hedge against the inevitable collapse of the next speculative bubble.
Tokyo-based Metaplanet Inc. has decided to play financial tightrope walker. They’ve borrowed $100M against their existing Bitcoin holdings to buy more BTC, all while Bitcoin’s price is “on sale” at $102K. It’s like buying a house with a mortgage while the real estate market’s in a midlife crisis. 🏠💸
This dance of despair repeats itself daily: a hopeful leap, a bearish yawn. Why? Because the market’s balance sheet reads like a tragicomedy-buyers and sellers arguing over who gets the last crumb of cake.
Mr. Robert Pasicko, the esteemed leader of UNDP’s financial technology team, AltFinLab, has deigned to share with CryptoMoon (a publication of some repute, we are assured) that this noble organization shall establish both an educational program and an advisory body for government officials. All this, mind you, within the grand halls of UN City in Copenhagen, Denmark. 🏛️
As the clock ticks, XRP lingers at a meager $2.30, its price sagging like a deflated balloon, down 1.5% on the day. The once-proud token, which strutted near $3.50 earlier this year, now shuffles in the dust, its downward spiral a grim testament to the merciless nature of the markets. The charts, those cold and unforgiving scribes of fate, paint a picture darker than a Siberian winter. Rejected at the $2.60-$2.70 zone, XRP failed to breach the iron curtain of the 50-day EMA (blue) and the 200-day EMA (black), its dreams of ascent crushed under the boot of descending resistance. 📉❄️
Ce vieux de la vieille, cette pièce maîtresse du mystère et de la discrétion, voit sa gloire renaître de ses cendres après une ascension digne d’un héros de tragédie : plus de 700% depuis septembre et un impressionnant 1,236% depuis le début de l’année. On dirait qu’elle a bu un élixir d’immortalité, ou peut-être une goutte de potion secrète. 💥
The cryptocurrency market has been wilder than a dust storm in Oklahoma, with leading assets getting trampled in the selloff stampede. Bitcoin
BTC
$103,012
24h volatility: 1.2%
Market cap: $2.05 T
Vol. 24h: $60.85 B
took a 16.7% nosedive in the last 30 days, while Ethereum
ETH
$3,387
24h volatility: 2.7%
Market cap: $408.87 B
Vol. 24h: $34.00 B
got bucked off the saddle even harder, losing 28% of its value. Talk about a rough ride. 🤠💨
The esteemed Institute of Technology and Renewable Energies (ITER), under the watchful eye of the Tenerife Island Council, acquired these digital coins over a decade past, not for the purpose of enrichment, but to study blockchain, that curious amalgam of mathematics and modernity. Now, as per the esteemed El Día, the council is finalizing plans to divest these holdings, much to the chagrin of any who might have invested in a less… whimsical venture.
For the three months ending on September 30, Robinhood’s total revenue hit $1.27 billion-yes, you read that right-double what they reported this time last year. Talk about a glow-up! 💰 And guess what? That beat the analysts’ oh-so-modest estimate of $1.2 billion. Oops, sorry, Wall Street. 🙃
