Bitcoin’s Plunge: Whales Dumping Like It’s a Tea Party! 🤑

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A spot of news from Lookonchain, that clever on-chain data aggregation platform, confirms the ruckus was kicked off by some jolly large sell-offs. It seems the big fish-or should I say, whales-have been shifting their considerable stacks of Bitcoin into exchanges, cashing in their chips like it’s a high-stakes game of bridge. 🏦🐳

Crypto Custody Romance: KuCoin & Cactus Custody Tie the Knot! 💍

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So, what’s the tea? 🍵 Cactus Custody is bringing its Off-Exchange Settlement (OES) solution, aka Cactus Oasis, to KuCoin’s platform. Fancy, right? This means institutional bigwigs can trade on KuCoin’s spot, margin, options, and perpetual futures markets without pre-funding their wallets. Basically, your assets stay snug in Cactus Custody’s regulated vault until the deal’s done. No more leaving your purse unattended at the bar! 🕶️

Whales Defy the Crypto Apocalypse: Madness or Genius? 🌊💰

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Yet, amidst this financial Siberia, a handful of crypto whales-those leviathans of the digital deep-have chosen to swim against the crimson tide. With a defiance that borders on madness, they open new long positions, as if whispering to the market, “You shall not break us.” 🦈✊

🚀 COIN on Hyperliquid: Crypto’s Wildest Stock Ride Yet! 🎢

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Apparently, some fancy deployer called tradexyz dropped 500 HYPE (aka $18,976, which is like, a year’s worth of Pinot Grigio 🍷) to secure the $COIN ticker. All this drama unfolded via a HIP-3 deployment bid, because nothing says “crypto” like a Dutch Auction and a side of jargon. 🏛️💰

🪦 XRP’s Death Cross: $1.50 or Bust? 🪦

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Momentum indicators are softer than a wet noodle, and short-term sellers are circling like vultures. Unless a magical reversal unicorn 🦄 gallops in, the path of least resistance is downhill-faster than a troll on a sled.

Investor Bails on Valaris as Offshore Drilling Drowns in 30% Plunge

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According to a piece of parchment filed with the SEC, this band of financial pioneers closed the book on Valaris entirely. Their 2.8% stake-once a proud feather in their cap-vanished quicker than a coon dog’s shadow at noon. The balance sheet now bears fresh ink for the period ending September 30, a date that’ll likely be remembered in their office as “the day we stopped whistlin’ past the graveyard.”