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But lo! In the space of just one week, this supposed relic of yesteryear transformed into something rather fetching-like finding out your eccentric uncle is secretly a dragon tamer. According to the scribes at S&P Global Market Intelligence, Macy’s stock soared an astonishing 31%. And what caused such sorcery? Encouraging quarterly results, delivered with all the flair of a street performer pulling rabbits from hats.

Ah, but what plot twist propelled this theatrical ascent? The answer lies in Act II of our tale: Docusign unveiled its Q2 earnings on Thursday evening, delivering numbers so polished they might have been rehearsed before a mirror. Artificial intelligence, that ever-fashionable co-star, played no small role in boosting both revenue and ambition.

The BLS’s latest jobs report revealed an addition of 22,000 nonfarm jobs in August, falling significantly short of the consensus estimate of 75,000. While this weak employment data has raised concerns about broader economic growth, it simultaneously triggered bullish sentiment in certain segments of the cryptocurrency market. The subdued labor figures suggest a potential reduction in interest rates by the Federal Reserve, which could serve as a tailwind for speculative assets like Dogecoin.

Enter CoreWeave (CRWV), Nvidia’s buddy who builds data centers so fancy, they might as well be castles. These centers are basically the Airbnb of AI-rent hardware instead of buying it. Microsoft is their biggest client, which is like being the popular kid in class who always invites you to their party. But here’s the kicker: Nvidia invested in CoreWeave’s IPO. That’s like your friend asking you to fund their startup, then telling you to join their board. Unusual? Absolutely. But in the world of AI, where everyone’s trying to out-nerd each other, maybe it’s just the new normal.

The company’s recent announcement of a 150MW lease with CoreWeave should, by all rights, have been a cause for celebration. Yet the market, ever the cautious romantic, has treated it as a requiem. For what is this deal but a pact with the future, binding Applied Digital to a promise of $11 billion in contracted revenue over 15 years? A sum that, while vast, stretches across time like a shadow cast by the sun of potential. And yet, for all its grandeur, it is but a whisper against the roar of the present-a whisper drowned by the question of how such a future is to be financed.

Consider the creature’s anatomy: in the second quarter of fiscal 2026, revenue swelled to $180 million, a 24% surge from its prior incarnation. Subscription revenue-its lifeblood-flowed at $172 million, while professional services, though modest, bore the vigor of youth with 51% growth. One might liken this to a stag shedding its winter coat.