Macy’s Stock Soars: A Tale of Retail Redemption

But lo! In the space of just one week, this supposed relic of yesteryear transformed into something rather fetching-like finding out your eccentric uncle is secretly a dragon tamer. According to the scribes at S&P Global Market Intelligence, Macy’s stock soared an astonishing 31%. And what caused such sorcery? Encouraging quarterly results, delivered with all the flair of a street performer pulling rabbits from hats.

Docusign’s Theatrical Ascent Amidst Market Farce

Ah, but what plot twist propelled this theatrical ascent? The answer lies in Act II of our tale: Docusign unveiled its Q2 earnings on Thursday evening, delivering numbers so polished they might have been rehearsed before a mirror. Artificial intelligence, that ever-fashionable co-star, played no small role in boosting both revenue and ambition.

Dogecoin’s Surge: Strategic Considerations for Investors

The BLS’s latest jobs report revealed an addition of 22,000 nonfarm jobs in August, falling significantly short of the consensus estimate of 75,000. While this weak employment data has raised concerns about broader economic growth, it simultaneously triggered bullish sentiment in certain segments of the cryptocurrency market. The subdued labor figures suggest a potential reduction in interest rates by the Federal Reserve, which could serve as a tailwind for speculative assets like Dogecoin.

Nvidia’s Big Bet on AI Infrastructure

Enter CoreWeave (CRWV), Nvidia’s buddy who builds data centers so fancy, they might as well be castles. These centers are basically the Airbnb of AI-rent hardware instead of buying it. Microsoft is their biggest client, which is like being the popular kid in class who always invites you to their party. But here’s the kicker: Nvidia invested in CoreWeave’s IPO. That’s like your friend asking you to fund their startup, then telling you to join their board. Unusual? Absolutely. But in the world of AI, where everyone’s trying to out-nerd each other, maybe it’s just the new normal.

Applied Digital’s Tumultuous Descent

The company’s recent announcement of a 150MW lease with CoreWeave should, by all rights, have been a cause for celebration. Yet the market, ever the cautious romantic, has treated it as a requiem. For what is this deal but a pact with the future, binding Applied Digital to a promise of $11 billion in contracted revenue over 15 years? A sum that, while vast, stretches across time like a shadow cast by the sun of potential. And yet, for all its grandeur, it is but a whisper against the roar of the present-a whisper drowned by the question of how such a future is to be financed.

Braze’s Ascent: A Digital Age Elegy

Consider the creature’s anatomy: in the second quarter of fiscal 2026, revenue swelled to $180 million, a 24% surge from its prior incarnation. Subscription revenue-its lifeblood-flowed at $172 million, while professional services, though modest, bore the vigor of youth with 51% growth. One might liken this to a stag shedding its winter coat.

Kazakhstan’s Fee Revolution: USD Stablecoins! 💸

Under this new framework, licensed Digital Asset Service Providers (DASPs) can sign a Multilateral Memorandum of Understanding to act as intermediaries. These providers will accept stablecoin payments from AIFC participants and applicants and then remit the equivalent fiat currency to AFSA’s bank account, according to the official announcement. The goal of the project is to make it easier for people to make payments in the financial center and to see how well digital assets work with other things in a controlled setting. Because who doesn’t want to see how well digital assets work when they’re not actually doing anything? 🤔

Russia’s ATM Crackdown: Crypto Traders Left in Tears 😭💸

This melodrama stems from a surge in financial scams-273,100 incidents totaling ₽6.3 billion in Q2 2025 alone. The CBR, ever the vigilant guardian of fiscal propriety, has decreed that banks monitor transactions against nine criteria. Should one criterion be met, customers are lovingly notified and promptly restricted to their meager ₽50,000 allowance for 48 hours. For larger sums, they must endure the indignity of visiting a physical branch-a journey akin to scaling Mount Everest in red tape.

Breaking: Brazilian Bank Creates Crypto Unit, Appoints Former Hashdex Guru 😱

This isn’t their first rodeo with crypto, mind you. Oh no, they’ve already dabbled in Bitcoin ETFs and retirement funds that flirt with digital assets. But apparently, that wasn’t enough to satisfy their insatiable appetite for blockchain-based chaos. “Crypto is volatile,” says Cunha, as if stating the obvious wasn’t his entire job description. “It’s new, it’s wild, and it’s got alpha written all over it.” Well, thank you, Captain Obvious, for that riveting insight. 🚀💰