Alas, dear reader, not all is sunshine and moon-based memes. Some altcoins stand precariously close to the abyss, where liquidations loom like creditors at a bankrupt duke’s door. Should prices defy the fervent prayers of leveraged traders, chaos shall ensue. Let us examine these hapless tokens with the detached amusement of aristocrats watching peasants squabble over turnips. 🍠
The SEC makes people like Griffin disclose their stock holdings every quarter. These disclosures, called 13F filings, are treated by many investors as though they’re sacred texts handed down from Mount Sinai. But let me tell you something about sacred texts-they rarely mention Charles Schwab or Keurig Dr Pepper. Here’s what Griffin’s hoarding these days, in case you were wondering:
Barron’s report on elongated wait times for the Model Y-now stretching from one to three weeks to a grotesque four to six-has been interpreted by some as evidence of renewed demand. Yet let us not forget: this is a company whose sales have hemorrhaged year-over-year in 2024, a season of Lent for EV enthusiasts. The tax credit’s impending expiration, that alms of $7,500, may yet drive a final stampede of buyers, as frantic as a horseman fleeing the Four Horsemen.
What does this sale mean for the alignment of insiders?
By the dawn of July 29, 2025, Andrew R. Harrison still held 18,930 shares-a tether, though loosened, to the fate of Alaska Air Group. Yet one wonders if such tethers are strong enough to hold when the winds of profit blow hard against them.
Shibarium is currently flexing 1.5 billion transactions, 267k addresses, and 12.5 million blocks-all while the price is still flirting with $0.00001313 like it’s 2020 all over again. 😘
The network was “specifically designed” to cut fees and speed things up. Translation: we paid consultants in Dogecoin to Photoshop a roadmap and it worked.
With Bitcoin peering over the edge of its all-time high like an over-caffeinated squirrel, Saylor-the impish co-founder and reigning chairman of Strategy, previously known as MicroStrategy and currently suffering an acute identity crisis-has sent the crypto community into a dizzy tizzy with his latest chest-thumping declaration. Whenever Saylor tweets, markets quake and lesser mortals reconsider their life choices.
Behold, the latest gossip from the cryptosphere: Bitcoin, that enfant terrible of finance, now trades at a modest $121,950, a 3.3% ascent in the past 24 hours. This audacious leap places it within a whisker of its mid-July zenith of $123,218. On-chain whispers reveal a massacre of short positions-92% liquidated, no less-as the price surged past $120,000, triggering a cascade of stop-loss tears and amplifying the buying frenzy. A drama fit for the West End! 🎭💔
Crypto firm Alt5 (Nasdaq: ALTS) has managed to scrape together a cool $1.5 billion, presumably after raiding the couch cushions of every Wall Street magnate they could find. Their plan? To purchase roughly 7.5% of all World Liberty Financial Inc. (WLFI) tokens in existence. Yes, dear reader, they’re going full-on “crypto hoarder.” According to their oh-so-official Monday press release, this will establish a WLFI treasury strategy. What exactly is a treasury strategy, you ask? Why, it’s either a brilliant masterstroke or just another way to make spreadsheets look important. 😉
The company has declared it will issue and sell 200 million shares, splitting them between a direct offering and a private placement to fund this extravagant purchase. ALT5 will be left clutching 7.5% of the total WLFI supply, a feat that would make even the most seasoned investor raise an eyebrow. 🤨
Our dear friend GodstarPL, in the throes of an enlightening update via X, has taken pen to parchment to declare that Solana is, indeed, enjoying a rather splendid stay within an ascending channel on the daily chart. This bullish structure reflects an unwavering thirst for more, as if Solana itself had decided that lounging in the sun is not nearly as satisfying as a robust little rally. A tip of the hat to the bullies, who are apparently intent on pushing towards the $220 mark-the upper boundary of this channel, which serves as a veritable Mount Everest of resistance. Ah, but reaching this peak could galvanize further buying activity and wave a flag of triumph for all bulls involved.