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Our antihero, who once danced in the halls of crypto royalty, had gallantly (or perhaps foolishly) proclaimed his innocence on both charges-wire fraud and conspiracy to defraud-only to find himself at the mercy of the law, now agreeing to waive his right to a trial on these counts. The courtroom drama, as reported by the ever-watchful Inner City Press, promises to be as riveting as a soap opera, with a cast of characters straight out of a Nabokovian nightmare. 🎭

According to the ever-vigilant sleuths at Lookonchain, a certain Ethereum address (tagged “0x3952…”, which sounds like the name of a secret agent) decided to put on quite the show today. In less than 40 minutes, this whale performed a series of withdrawals so grand they’d make even Jeeves raise an eyebrow. A total of 21,000 ETH-worth a cool $90.6 million-was spirited away from Binance faster than you can say “blockchain.”

According to him, the market’s got more juice than a bourbon still on a hot summer night, with folks throwin’ in billions for Bitcoin and Ethereum faster than a Mercury outboard. Imagine that-$17 billion in two months! Seems folks ain’t scared of a little risk, especially with the government’s blessing and retirement folks dreaming of their crypto gold at last. Who knew a 401(k) could turn into a gold mine? 💸

As Ethereum trades near $4,460, it lingers a modest 12% below its all-time high of $4,890. A chasm, perhaps, but one that analysts whisper could soon be bridged by this surge in demand. Or will it? The market, ever fickle, cares not for the predictions of mere mortals. 📈

Apparently, Strategy-occasionally mistaken for a mere earthbound company, but actually a cuddly behemoth co-founded by Saylor-manages a 3.2% chunk of all known Bitcoin. That’s roughly $46 billion, which is about enough to buy Greenland with change left over for an ice cream van or two.

NEOS Investment Management has decided to take a walk on the wild side of the crypto jungle 🦊. The firm has filed with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) to launch something called the High Income Ethereum ETF. Sounds fancy, right? Like that one time you ordered truffle fries but didn’t know what truffles were. This ETF promises “greater returns,” which we all know is code for “slightly more terrifying risks.” 🎢

The plot thickened faster than a cup of instant noodles when Ledger’s CTO, Charles Guillemet, chimed in. He suggested Qubic’s supreme rule over mining leaves other miners with all the motivation of a sloth at a desk job. With control of this magnitude, Qubic could theoretically block rival blocks, doodle on the chain’s history, and attempt a double-spending attack-essentially, Monopoly money with roller skates. 🦥💸

This flatline tells a story of buyers and sellers locked in a stalemate. But dig deeper, and multiple timeframes are now flashing signals that point to a possible deeper correction or the sellers winning. A grim tale indeed, where the market whispers of impending doom. 😱

What does this mean, you ask? Well, imagine a world where liquidity flows like champagne at a billionaire’s birthday party. That’s the dream, isn’t it? Coinbase, in its infinite wisdom, plans to inject USDC and EURC (Circle’s euro-pegged stablecoin) into platforms like Aave, Morpho, Kamino, and Jupiter. Oh, how noble! How heroic! 🦸‍♂️🦸‍♀️