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Shares are up a respectable 5.2% as of midday. Not enough to buy a small island, obviously, but enough to make me momentarily forget I haven’t checked my other holdings. Don’t judge.

The rationale, as always, is accessibility. To lure in the smaller investor, the one who dreams of a share in the grand enterprise. A noble intention, perhaps, but one suspects the true beneficiaries are those already holding the bread, now able to claim a larger slice of the crumbs. The charts, those relentless trackers of hope and disappointment, will show a brief flurry of activity, a momentary lifting of spirits. Then, the quiet settling back into the familiar pattern.

Citizens, ever optimistic, maintains a ‘market outperform’ rating, projecting a price of $38 per share within the year. A handsome sum, of course, representing a potential 72% upside. One wonders if this projection accounts for the inherent unpredictability of human enthusiasm, the very fuel that drives this particular enterprise. Still, a target is a target, and in the world of finance, a well-placed target is often mistaken for accuracy.

Apple, a name resonant with the myth of the bitten fruit, finds itself in a peculiar position. It is not threatened by the raw cost of computation, but by a more subtle failing: the perfection of mimicry. While others chase the brute force of processing, Apple’s vulnerability lies in the realm of the conversational – specifically, in the persistent imperfection of Siri. One might posit that Siri is not merely a virtual assistant, but a mirror reflecting the limitations of current artificial intelligence – a digital Golem, perpetually on the verge of coherence.

By lunchtime, the shares were up 9.2%. Not bad for a company that yesterday was feeling rather glum.

Micron, bless their industrious little hearts, are doing rather well. Record revenues, expanding margins… it’s almost vulgar. The stock’s had a jolly good run, up over 300% in the last twelve months, and while some analysts are predicting a peak, one suspects they simply haven’t grasped the sheer demand. This AI business requires memory, you see, and Micron happens to be one of the few who can provide it. A multi-billion dollar backlog is always a comforting sight, and frankly, they appear to have a stranglehold on the market. Dominance, my dear, is such a lovely thing.

They dumped The Trade Desk. Completely. TTD. Once the golden child of programmatic advertising. Now? A smoking crater. And then, they went ALL IN on Netflix. Seventeen times the position. Seventeen! That’s not a bet, that’s a declaration of war. A frantic scramble for position in the streaming bloodbath. It’s enough to make a man reach for the ether, honestly.

So, I started looking. And you know what? It’s mostly the same old story. Stocks that either pay you peanuts, or are so risky you need a therapist on speed dial. Then I stumbled upon this… Vici Properties. And the name itself? Vici? Like, “victory”? Please. It’s a REIT, a Real Estate Investment Trust. It should be called “Moderate Returns and Slightly Less Anxiety,” but no. “Vici.” It’s just… presumptuous.

We’re staring down the barrel of a full-blown affordability crisis, folks. The American Dream? More like the American Nightmare, fueled by phantom inflation and the creeping dread that the system is rigged. People are working themselves to the bone just to stay afloat, and the market, that insatiable beast, pretends everything is fine. Meanwhile, tariffs are back on the menu, the Supreme Court be damned. The man’s announcing a 15% hike—FIFTEEN PERCENT!—like it’s some kind of goddamn fire sale. It’s a disaster waiting to happen, a slow-motion train wreck, and the politicians are fiddling with their Twitter feeds.