So, is now a good time to acquire a small piece of this sprawling, slightly terrifying behemoth? Let’s investigate. Though “investigate” implies a degree of rigor that may not be entirely warranted. Let’s just… look at it. From a distance. With binoculars.
In a recent squawk on the bird app (formerly known as Twitter, because why not rename everything?), the enigmatic 360Trader-a name that sounds like a discount furniture store-proclaimed that trillions in institutional money are sitting on the sidelines, waiting for the regulatory equivalent of a green light. Apparently, Wall Street is just dying to throw its weight behind crypto, but only if someone hands them a rulebook first. How very un-Ankh-Morpork of them.
The anxieties are, naturally, focused on the software trade, where the machines threaten to render perfectly competent men redundant. But Citrini, with a flair for the dramatic, extends the doom to encompass nearly everything. Their scenario – a sort of automated apocalypse – involves unemployment cresting ten percent, the S&P 500 shedding nearly forty percent of its value. A thoroughly unpleasant prospect, though one suspects the truly wealthy will remain largely unaffected.
The Dow Jones Industrial Average, the S&P 500, and the Nasdaq Composite – those restless indicators of national prosperity – had indeed reached heights previously unseen. These ascents, however, are often more a reflection of collective optimism and speculative fervor than a testament to any single policy. To attribute such gains solely to tariffs is akin to claiming that a single brushstroke defines a masterpiece. It is a narrowing of vision, a disregard for the myriad influences that shape the course of economic events.
The earnings report is due Thursday, and honestly, I’m bracing myself. It’s like waiting for the results of a particularly disastrous online shopping spree. You know it’s not going to be pretty, but you peek anyway. The shares are down, significantly – over 33% in the last year, and a depressing 11% so far this year. But, and it’s a big ‘but’, there’s a tiny sliver of hope. Or, at least, that’s what I’m telling myself to justify spending another hour researching this.
Costco’s operational strategy centers on a low-markup, high-volume approach, prioritizing membership revenue as the primary driver of profitability. This model is predicated on the assumption that a robust membership base will consistently generate revenue, justifying the comparatively narrow margins on individual product sales. Recent data confirms the efficacy of this strategy. First-quarter fiscal year 2026 membership figures increased by 5% year-over-year, reaching 146 million, with executive memberships – commanding a higher annual fee – demonstrating an even more substantial growth rate of 9%. This translated to a 14% increase in membership income, a noteworthy contribution to overall profitability.
Let’s be honest, the fourth quarter wasn’t exactly a triumph. Gross profit per retail unit dipped a bit – from $6,916 to $6,562. Which, when you think about it, is still a substantial amount of money for a used car. It’s enough to buy a very nice collection of antique teapots, for instance. Adjusted EBITDA was a little light of expectations. But here’s where things get interesting. They haven’t offered much in the way of specific guidance for the year ahead. A bit vague, perhaps. They’re expecting growth, naturally. Everyone always expects growth. But they’re hedging their bets with a lot of “assuming the environment remains stable” language. Which, in the world of economics, is roughly equivalent to saying, “If pigs might fly…”
But, alas! It appears his efforts are in vain. A White House spokesperson, without the slightest flicker of hesitation, made it quite clear that President Donald Trump, who we all know has a soft spot for certain individuals, has no intention of pardoning SBF. Not now, not ever. Apparently, no amount of pleading will sway the man who, in January, made it clear that he had no desire to let Bankman-Fried off the hook. And let’s not forget the little addendum to the story: Trump also doesn’t plan to pardon other such notable figures as Robert Menendez or Nicolás Maduro. Just in case you were wondering.
On a Tuesday, no less-a day ordinarily reserved for trivialities-the Association, representing a staggering 125 crypto firms (each more dubious than the last), released this tome. Its purpose? To guide our poor, benighted lawmakers through the labyrinthine horrors of digital asset taxation. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from Capitol Hill.
However, amidst this corporate ballet, a rather more interesting development has been unfolding. A quiet little triumph, if you will. Something to do with advertising. Yes, advertising. And, rather surprisingly, it appears to be… flourishing. Does this mean, with a thousand dollars to spare, one might consider a flutter on the shares? One is always terribly cautious, naturally.