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Visa, my dear reader, does not simply hand out credit cards like sugary treats at a birthday party. Oh no, it is far craftier than that. Visa is what we call a “payment processor,” though I prefer to think of it as the invisible gremlin sitting inside every card-swipe machine, giggling madly as it takes its tiny cut from each transaction. It doesn’t care about any single purchase; one candy bar or a diamond necklace-it’s all the same to Visa. What matters is volume, sheer volume, an avalanche of transactions tumbling through its network like marbles down a chute.

The Vanguard S&P 500 ETF (VOO), with its meager 0.03% fee, offers a path to this altar of growth stocks. Yet herein lies the rub: for every investor who sees in VOO a vessel of simplicity, there lurks a heretic questioning whether this “diversification” is not a mirage. The fund’s low cost is a siren’s song, luring the unwary with the promise of passive wealth, while the Ten Titans’ dominance whispers of hubris. Is this not the eternal dance of human folly-the belief that one can harness chaos, that the market’s fickle heart can be tamed by a ticker symbol?

To achieve such a feat, one must resort to the alchemy of growth stocks, those elusive entities that promise to transform mere capital into something resembling wealth. The Invesco QQQ Trust, with its portfolio of 100 titans of industry, stands as a beacon for those who believe in the myth of perpetual motion.

Let’s be clear: both companies are MONSTERS in their respective domains. Apple still rules the roost when it comes to sleek gadgets you can’t live without, while Tesla has turned electric vehicles into something more than just cars-they’re statements, MANIFESTOS even. But here’s the rub: neither company has managed to crack the AI CODE that Microsoft, Alphabet, Amazon, and Meta seem to have tattooed on their forearms. Apple’s attempts at AI feel like a half-hearted high school science project compared to its usual brilliance. Meanwhile, Tesla’s Optimus robot and robotaxi ambitions remain stuck in the uncanny valley between GENIUS and DELUSION.

While the Oracle of Omaha’s portfolio includes obvious heavyweights like Apple and Coca-Cola (because even interstellar investors need their sugar fix), his lesser-known moves in Japan’s sogo shosha reveal a mind still hunting for cosmic bargains. These five Japanese trading houses – Itochu (ITOCF), Marubeni (MARUF), Mitsubishi (MSBHF), Mitsui (MITSF), and Sumitomo (SSUM.F) – operate across dimensions of industry from automotive to healthcare, yet trade at prices so low Buffett apparently mistook them for typographical errors in his spreadsheet.

So light your pipe, pull up a chair, and let me tell you which of these critters might be worth taming-or avoiding altogether-for your long-term portfolio.

Once crowned the “Dog King” of cryptocurrencies, SHIB’s throne now creaks under the weight of an 80% tumble from its October 2021 peak. Yet whispers persist in the crypto-candy shop: could this meme marvel rise again? Let us peer behind the curtain of decentralization, where developers play wizard and investor alike.

Now, while the sage of Berkshire no longer personally selects every pickle in the portfolio (having delegated such tasks to two investing lieutenants who, one presumes, know their way around a balance sheet), the collection remains a trove of curiosities. Let us waltz through these equities with the sprightly curiosity of a debutante at her first ball.

Brookfield Asset Management is the ringmaster of a financial circus, juggling other people’s gold while keeping a tidy pile for itself. Their favorite trick? Charging management fees for babysitting what they call “fee-bearing capital” – a magic hat that keeps producing rabbits. The more rabbits (money) in the hat, the more coins clink into their pockets.