According to Bitwise’s August report – no, not an astrological reading – they claim managing over $15 billion in assets qualifies them to predict Bitcoin hitting such lofty heights. That’s like predicting people will keep ordering Uber Eats after I’m gone… highly questionable logic! 👍
Ah, SEC Commissioner Hester Peirce, the culinary philosopher of finance! Her “Peanut Butter & Watermelon” speech-delivered on a fateful day in August 2025 at U.C. Berkeley-serves up more than just a delightful snack metaphor. It’s a feast for thought, revealing the age-old struggle between the shiny promise of disintermediated technologies and the clunky machinery of financial surveillance that insists on policing our every transaction like a nosy neighbor peeking through the curtains.
On the weekly scene, XRP is still stuck in that same nasty confirmed bearish divergence – basically, a sign the market’s got a giant frown on its face. This isn’t exactly a rave; it’s more like waiting for the rain to stop before you can really dance. Traders warned about this when XRP was flirting around $3.40, and surprise, surprise, the predictions are unfolding like a bad Netflix series.
While some mortals hath embraced Bitcoin as a treasure hoarded in digital vaults, others, like our dear Dorsey, former sovereign of Twitter and chairman of Block, insist that payments must remain the beating heart of Bitcoin’s purpose. 🏦
Dearly beloved, let us consult the oracle known as CryptoQuant. According to its sacred scrolls, the gallant “stablecoins,” those cryptocurrencies tethered with the wise hand of fiat currency (primarily the illustrious US Dollar), have mercilessly cooled their growth. It appears our noble investors, wishing to escape the tempestuous seas of Bitcoin’s volatility, have found their safe harbor to be rather less than welcoming.
On Thursday, DeFi Development Corp. (Nasdaq: DFDV) revealed it gobbled up 407,247 🧙♂️solana (SOL) at an average price of $188.98 per token. This is like filling a treasure chest with digital gold, and now their reserves are 29% bigger than a grumpy troll’s hoard! 🚀
In a rather riveting missive on X-because apparently, the English language has run out of letters-CryptoQuant’s community analyst, the intrepid Maartunn, has revealed that the illustrious “Bull Score Index” has decided to undergo a transformation post-haste, courtesy of Bitcoin’s recent price hiccup. This index is as crucial as a soufflé recipe: it dictates the culinary phase of the cryptocurrency market based on a hodgepodge of key on-chain metrics.
On Aug. 28, ZachXBT decided to gift the internet another chapter in the never-ending saga of crypto drama. While responding to a desperate plea from Miguel Morales-a poor soul who lost $33,000 to a scammer-Zach didn’t just decline to help. Oh no, he went full diva. He declared that he wouldn’t assist the XRP community because, well, they’re apparently useless. His exact words? Hold onto your monocles:
Zoom out: this isn’t a stock plunge. It’s a ritual sacrifice. Analysts in thousand-dollar loafers chant algorithmic incantations while hedge fund hyenas circle the carcass. The eye exam image? A sick joke. They’re not checking vision – they’re measuring how long before shareholders go blind from the smoke and mirrors.
