Now, if you listen to the folks over at SoSoValue, Ether ETFs packed their bags and hauled off $164.64 million, undoing five days straight of folks pouring $1.5 billion into the place. Talk about a case of buyer’s remorse; like a flat tire on a dusty road, things just stopped rolling smooth.
Indeed, the internet was a corker of an innovation, allowing businesses to fling open their shutters and shout their wares to the world. Information barriers, once as formidable as a butler’s starched collar, dissolved like sugar in tea. Investors, now armed with balance sheets and corporate presentations, were only too happy to lavish valuations on these digital upstarts, as though they were doting uncles at a christening.
You see, Tesla’s found itself in a bit of a pickle when it comes to pricing its used cars. Now, Tesla’s a highfalutin brand – or at least it used to be – but lately, its pre-owned models are coming out cheaper than a pancake breakfast at a county fair. The market for second-hand cars in the U.S. started dropping last year, and Tesla’s been taking it on the chin ever since. Most cars have recovered in value like a good ol’ comeback story, but not our friend Tesla. Its prices keep sliding downhill faster than a greased pig at a county fair.
Visually, Pudgy Party is a delightful nod to the likes of Fall Guys and Stumble Guys, where the primary objective seems to be avoiding the inevitable face-plant while racing through a series of absurdly challenging mini-games. Each round is a new adventure, with twists and turns that ensure no two matches are ever the same. It’s as if the developers have taken a leaf out of the penguin playbook: adapt, survive, and look cute doing it.
The ever-watchful analysts at CryptoQuant have posted on X (because Twitter is so dreadfully 2018) to illuminate a question burning in every financier’s heart: are ETFs sweeping the trading boards, or are they just holding the coats backstage?
Solana [SOL], with the stubbornness of a dust-covered mule, steps forward to twist the gears of its own machinery. The Alpenglow upgrade has come down to a vote – a simple yes or no that could turn the slow churn of transactions into a lightning flash and toughen the network against all comers.
Oh, it’s getting spicy. Uniswap [UNI] is seeing some *serious* whale action. A fresh withdrawal of 408,557 UNI worth a cool $4.11 million from Binance has set tongues wagging. 💸💸
This spicy update affects the cool kids hanging out on Omni Layer, Bitcoin Cash SLP, Kusama, EOS, and Algorand. Tether spilled the beans on Friday after taking some serious community feedback-which, shocker, they listened to! “Following the feedback from the communities of these discontinued blockchains, Tether has revised this approach and will not freeze the smart contracts on these networks.” Translation: We had a plan, y’all showed us receipts, so we backed off. Classic.
Folks, Ambarella’s revenue swelled to $95.5 million this quarter-nigh on 50% higher than last year. Now, I ain’t no mathematician, but that’s enough to make a banker’s mustache quiver. Profits? They inched up 16% to $6.4 million, or $0.15 per share if you’re countin’ pennies. Analysts? Bless their hearts, they expected less-like underestimatin’ a hungry rattlesnake in a chicken coop.
But here’s the thing: Harold wasn’t entirely wrong about one thing-investing in companies with momentum can work. It’s just that instead of gambling on memes, you might want to look at something slightly more substantial. Like Amazon. Yes, *that* Amazon. The company so ubiquitous it feels like it’s already taken over your life-and possibly your checking account.
