The breach-oh, the breach!-was first sniffed out by BlockSec, those tireless bloodhounds of the cryptoverse, who barked their warning into the void of 𝕏 (formerly Twitter, for those who still remember such antiquities).
The first boring-but-great resolution meant that they’re now authorized to have 2.7 billion shares-like, who’s counting?-allowing them to presumably buy a yacht or furnish an office in the future when they find themselves flush with cash. Meanwhile, the second amendment is a breath of fresh air-or maybe just more air, since everyone might now convene in the realms of cyberspace for their meetings, and we’ll save humans from the hassle of boardrooms.
Behold Apple, that Cupertino monarch whose crown glitters with the jewels of ecosystemic loyalty! Its quarterly numbers-$94 billion in revenue, a 10% increase-might dazzle the vulgar eye. Yet beneath this gilded surface, regulatory tempests gather: Europe‘s Digital Markets Act, that revolutionary edict, threatens to dismantle the App Store’s feudal tollbooths. One might fancy the antitrust lawsuit with Alphabet as a Shakespearean subplot, wherein the prince of phones risks losing his golden goose-the Google search fee.
A stock split is like a cosmetic procedure for a company’s share price. You don’t actually look younger, you just… reshuffle the cells. Market cap? Still the same. Earnings? Still the same. Just a different number on a screen. But investors? Oh, they love a good number game. Forward splits? “Look at me, I’m affordable!” Reverse splits? “I’m not dying, I’m just… restructuring my heartbeat.”
Chief among them are the mighty U.S.-based ETPs, devouring the lion’s share with their claws sunk deep-over 1.29 million BTC spread across 11 funds that seem to have more money than sense. According to some obscure Twitter account, HODL15Capital (no idea if it’s a conspiracy or a joke), BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust plowed through the chaos with nearly three-quarters of a million BTC, while Fidelity’s Fund, the “Wise Origin,” licked up just under 200,000 BTC-like scavengers fighting over the crumbs on the ground. 🥪
Monsieur le Chat, LE Chat marketing du Shiba Inu, Lucie, a partagé récemment une mise à jour qui laissa tous ses confrères pantois. Selon ses comptes rendus, il semble que notre Shiba en maudit ait trébuché derrière PEPE en termes d’interactions sociales. Monsieur, si même vos adorateurs jettent leur dévolu sur votre rival, le charme est cassé!
Devant tout ce qu’on pourrait imaginer, Dogecoin, le grand de la fête, toujours en tête. Suivis presque à la queue-leu-leu, le bouillant PEPE, avec ses 1.5 millions d’interactions, semble flirter avec une popularité enviable, laissant notre cher Shiba Inu derrière en dernière position avec, excusez l’expression, moins d’un million d’échanges.
Voilà une chute vertigineuse, qu’on dirait bien chroniquée dans la triste destinée d’un potion magique ratée.
According to pen-pushers appearing in Bloomberg on the first of September, those crafty exchanges devised an offering for self-managed superannuation funds, which, mind you, harbor a full quarter of Australia’s A$4.3 trillion retirement nest egg. These funds let folks take the reins on their pension adventures, more freedom than the traditional systems ever dared offer, steering clear of the digital forays.
This two-day extravaganza is being organized by the National Bitcoin Office (yes, that’s a real thing, no, I didn’t just make it up) and promises to cement El Salvador’s reputation as the country that said, “Hey, why use regular money when you can use digital money that no one really understands?” in 2021, when they went full Bitcoin as legal tender. Now, they’re basically waving a giant flag that screams, “Look at us! We’re the pioneers of financial independence and technological bravado.”
The market, swollen with valuations that stretch toward the heavens, has grown wary of bargains. For nearly three years, Buffett has sold more than he has bought, watching his cash reserves swell to $344 billion by June’s end. It is a peculiar paradox-a man who built his legend on buying when others were selling now finds himself holding an unprecedented hoard, waiting for the right moment to act.
Yet let us not mistake resurrection for redemption. The company’s balance sheet remains a canvas of artistic losses-$300 million in annual deficits, a figure so poetic it borders on Shakespearean tragedy. To call this a “comeback” is to call a shipwreck a swimming lesson. The question lingers: does this phoenix truly rise, or merely combust more spectacularly?
