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But amidst all this overpromising and underdelivering, two companies stand out as slightly less annoying options if you’ve got $1,000 burning a hole in your pocket: International Business Machines (IBM) and Intel. IBM is busy solving real-world problems with AI, while Intel is trying to figure out how not to completely botch its foundry business. Let’s dive into why these two might actually be worth considering-or at least less likely to make you want to throw your laptop out the window.

This wasn’t just any old plastic rectangle, mind you. No sir, this was an *XRP Edition* of their Gemini credit card, cooked up in collaboration with Ripple. “Could this be the life preserver XRP needs?” some asked. But hold your horses, dear reader, for we’re about to wade into waters murkier than a Mississippi mudslide.

For instance, consider the Vanguard Growth ETF (VUG). If you had the foresight, or perhaps the luck, to place your faith in it ten years ago, that humble $1,000 would now be worth a spectacular $5,100. That’s a truly marvellous return, clocking in at 17.7% annually. Quite the stellar performance! If only we could all say the same about our childhood dreams.

Iren Limited (IREN) had ceased to be a mere crypto miner, though the distinction felt less like a pivot and more like a bureaucratic reassignment. Its power infrastructure, originally erected for Bitcoin’s insatiable hunger, now served as a provisional scaffold for AI computing. Wall Street, that great archivist of value, had only begun to decode the implications. The company’s 188% year-to-date surge and 31x forward earnings multiple were not triumphs but acknowledgments of a system where infrastructure became a bureaucratic relic overnight. With 2.9 gigawatts of contracted power across renewable-heavy sites in Canada and Texas, Iren had repurposed its archaic grid into a modern-day permit office for AI’s inscrutable demands.

Let’s parse the numbers, baby. Revenue? Up from $615 million in 2020 to $4.77 BILLION in 2024. But profits? Ha! They lost billions-enough red ink to drown a Baptist preacher. The stock’s been trailing the S&P 500 like a junkie dragging a chain. BUT THEN-like a phoenix rising from a pile of slot machine receipts-it turned the corner. Q2: $1.5 billion in revenue (up 37%), $157.9 million net income. First-half earnings? $124 million. Last year? A $78 million hole. They’re clawing their way out, folks, and the smell of blood in the water is turning into perfume.

The cloud computing division, ever the star of the show, saw a remarkable surge, with revenue climbing 26% to nearly $4.7 billion. This was no mere fluke, but a testament to the alchemy of artificial intelligence, which saw AI product revenue double for the eighth consecutive quarter. The segment’s adjusted EBITA, that most reliable of indicators, also rose 26% to $412 million-a most commendable feat.

Brookfield Renewable (BEPC) (BEP) and Mid-America Apartment Communities (MAA) are two such stocks. Now, don’t get me wrong, I hate how they make me sound like a financial infomercial when I say this, but these companies have records of paying dividends so solid, it’s almost annoying. Like, why do they have to be so reliable? It’s exhausting just thinking about it.