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Pro tip: If you’re taking notes, “moon” and “to the moon” should be replaced with “appreciate at a CAGR of 35%,” which sounds fancier at cocktail parties. Speaking of which…

But oh, dear reader, don’t get too comfortable in your cozy corner of Wall Street. Over in Germany-WHERE THE REAL MONEY’S FLOWING-things are happening, and they’re happening FAST. The DAX, their big index that tracks 40 of the most “blue-chip” corporate nightmares in Frankfurt, is up a grotesque 17% in 2025. That’s more than DOUBLE the S&P 500’s limp 10.6% climb. And don’t even get me started on the MSCI Germany index, which tracks a broader swath of 54 stocks, and is up a mind-blowing 35% this year. This, my friend, is no coincidence. It’s a full-blown financial orgy, and you’re still sitting on the sidelines.

In this northern outpost, where winters bite sharp and broadband’s absence gnawed deeper, Nokia has become the chosen sower of fiber. The company will plant its IP solutions like seeds in ConnectSuperior’s soil, a network meant to nourish 26,000 souls parched for connection. Partners dMCA/LightSpeed and ePlus (PLUS) will tend the roots, though Nokia claims the sapling’s heartwood as its own.

Figma (FIG) stock is currently taking what can only be described as a nosedive. By 12:30 p.m. ET on Thursday, shares were down 17.7%, though earlier they had plummeted as much as 21.9%. If you’re wondering why this financial calamity feels personal, let me tell you: I spent last night explaining “market volatility” to my mother over the phone while she asked if I’d remembered to water her ferns. She didn’t care about Figma; she just wanted someone to listen without interrupting.

Behold! Here we present three entities that basked in the glow of success, whilst one unfortunate contender finds itself in the shadows, perhaps pondering the nature of existence itself.

Wall Street had penciled in $0.53 per share on $1.17 billion in sales. Ciena added $50 million to that sales number and called it a day. The real earnings, the one that matters to accountants, were $0.35 per share. Still, that’s triple what they made last year. Progress, of sorts.