REVENUE? OH, THAT’S JUST A NUMBER. NVIDIA’S GONE FROM $27 BILLION TO $130 BILLION IN TWO YEARS-LIKE A DRUG-ADDLED RACCOON RUNNING A MARATHON. AND NOW? THE QUARTERLY NUMBERS ARE A FLAMING MESS OF 56% GROWTH, $46 BILLION IN SALES, AND A STOCK THAT’S DONE MORE DAMAGE TO THE EARTH’S GRAVITY THAN A BUNCH OF FREAKIN’ ROCKET SCIENTISTS. BUT HERE’S THE THING: THIS ISN’T A HOAX. IT’S A FREAKING TRENCH COAT FULL OF DYNAMITE.
After months of languishing below 60, this index finally broke free, like a prisoner escaping a 100-year sentence. Though the 75 mark remains a distant dream, other indicators scream: “Funds are fleeing Bitcoin, rushing to altcoins like moths to a flame 🔥.”
The root of this here ruckus, as near as anyone can tell, is Grayscale filin’ for a Litecoin ETF. They’re already messin’ with Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs, and now they’ve gone and added LTC to the mix. Makes a body wonder what they’re up to…
During the drowsy Asian morning hours – who knew Asia had ‘morning’? – Bitcoin flirted around $114,200, flexing 2.4% over 24 hours, as strong as a martian martini!
According to the Financial Times (those fancy folks with their noses in the air), the Avalanche Foundation-the non-profit behind the AVAX token-is fixin’ to set up shop in the good ol’ U.S. of A. One company’ll be their official “digital asset treasury,” while the other’ll be a crypto-focused doppelgänger. Talk about hedgin’ your bets! 🎲
Scroll DAO 📜 governance is to be “paused”
Onchain Lens, our sole narratorial guide through the murky data sea, observed the transaction’s odyssey traversing three addresses. One was clearly a lair of BitMine, while the others were enshrouded in mystery akin to the faces of human souls that wander the city’s frigid, lonely streets. Yet, these dark corners of the transaction-network were illuminated through forensic sorcery, revealing their secretive ties to BitMine. However, BitMine, ever the reticent player in the Machiavellian theatre of finance, has yet to confirm these arcane acquisitions.
The day’s trading saw it bobbing between a giddy high of $113,138 and a rather more subdued low of $110,812 – a range so tight one could practically see the thing sweating. 🙄
Judge Jia Cobb – a *very* serious lady, I hear – she says “hold your horses, Donald!” and issued a temporary restraining order. Against Trump, the Fed Chairman, Jerome Powell (poor guy, always getting yelled at!), and even…the Fed itself! All because of this letter from August 25th, claiming mortgage fraud. A court filing, you know, very official. Fortune Magazine claims Cobb and Cook, they’re sisters in a sorority! Delta Sigma Theta! Who knew?! A secret society controlling the…interest rates?! I’m just asking questions!
