Behind this spectacle, heavy-hitters like Pantera, Kraken, ParaFi, and Blockchain.com danced with enthusiasm, their coffee mugs brimming with faith-plus some UK funds whispering sweet nothings about crypto riches. Funds flowing via convertible loan notes, like mysterious spells cast to fund developers, ops, and the ever-hungry BTC hoard, all routed through Satsuma’s Singapore temple of dreams.
“This partnership is like givin’ Sei a rocket ship while MetaMask’s the launchpad. Users get a smooth ride, and Sei’s ecosystem gets a standing ovation. It’s a milestone, or as we say in Texas, ‘y’all better believe it!’”
Between 2020 and 2022, Duy’s platform promised investors dreamy returns of up to 10% with “low risk.” Low risk?! Sweetheart, if only they’d known their cash was being funneled into TerraUSD-a coin that later nosedived faster than your confidence after a bad haircut. 💇♂️📉 Nearly $12 million vanished into thin air when TerraUSD collapsed in May 2022. Oopsie daisy!
Indeed, last eve’s financial disclosures were not lacking in modest triumphs-beating expectations on the revenue front whilst merely meeting the bottom-line expectations. Though the quarter prior showed no expansion for this enterprise-merely stable, in the most polite sense-investors appear increasingly beguiled by the fresh strategies of Mr. Spencer Rascoff, whose intentions seem akin to a gentleman seeking to restore his most delicate possessions to their former luster.
According to the most enlightened market sage, OxArtikal, who whispers on the social media platform once known as Twitter (now X, as if it were a secret society), the formidable Michael Saylor’s Strategy-formerly known as MicroStrategy-intends to sell all its vast treasure of Bitcoin by the year 2025. A bold move, indeed, risking not only their fortune but perhaps the entire market’s decorum. 💼
At the earnings assembly held on the altogether forgettable yet eminently profitable three-month period ending 30 June, 2025, the firm declared its intention to parade, before an astonished FSA, a brace of novelties: a bold Bitcoin-XRP duet ETF* followed swiftly by a most curious “gold & digital gold” collection-rumoured to be 51 % glittering ingots and the remaining 49 % virtual moon-dust, masquerading respectably as Bitcoin. 💰📉
(For those unfamiliar with the stock market, it’s rather like being trapped in a room where everyone else speaks fluent Esperanto while you’re armed only with a phrasebook for Klingon. You can sort of follow along but never quite grasp why certain decisions are made.)
Sei (SEI), once a proud contender in the arena of digital currencies, now trades at a humble $0.29, having succumbed to a 3% daily and 9% weekly decline. Its daily volume, a mere $209 million, whispers of traders still clinging to hope, even as the token spirals downward. Ah, the folly of man! 🌪️
📰📰#Ripple’s OCC Banking License application is now available! Vol. 1 is the public release. The application provides some clues about Ripple’s intentions and structure to consider.
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If the shareholders don’t faint with excitement and approve this little escapade, Marusho will soon drop its rather traditional moniker and re-emerge as “bitcoin.jp.” Yes, you heard right-the new wardrobe comes with a dazzling array of digital assets, with Bitcoin as the crown jewel! The company can finally add “entrepreneurial bravado” to its list of investments.
