His exit, a ballet of pragmatism, now dances awkwardly with his earlier prophecy of a 126x HYPE surge. A tale of two Arthurs: the visionary and the scalper, locked in a waltz of irony.
“The legacy economy is being sunset,” he proclaimed on the scroll of X (or whatever name the winds of change whisper today), as if the sun itself had grown tired of printing paper bills and now preferred to set in the glow of ones and zeroes.
They hired Brian Niccol from Chipotle to fix the mess, which feels like hiring a magician to fix a broken toaster. The problem isn’t just the menu or the wait times-it’s the fact that Starbucks seems to have forgotten how to be a brand that people actually like. It’s like dating someone who keeps changing their mind about their political views. You’re just… confused.
Five years ago, if you’d plunked down $10,000 on this semiconductor outfit, you’d have-checks notes-$20,790 today. Which sounds like a win until you realize the S&P 500 would’ve netted you $21,190 by playing it safe. Congrats: you gambled on a tech whiz kid and lost to the boring index fund your dentist’s broker recommends.
By Shayan, our intrepid analyst who probably owns a monocle.
Jennifer Saibil (Lemonade): Lemonade (LMND), that impudent upstart, wields AI like a sorcerer’s wand-pricing policies, onboarding customers, and settling claims with the swiftness of a cat burglar. Its stock, though not yet matching XRP’s meteoric rise, has leapt 200% in a year-a performance that would make Icarus reconsider his wings.
Consider, if you will, the case of Build-A-Bear Workshop-a concern that, five years ago, seemed about as likely to conquer Wall Street as a goose is to win the Kentucky Derby. Yet here we are: a 2,150% return on investment, which for those keeping score at home, is the sort of figure that makes even the most stoic of accountants raise an eyebrow and mutter, “Well, I never!” To put this in perspective, a $10,000 wager on this sprightly upstart would now buy you a small island in the Caribbean, whereas the same sum invested in Nvidia would leave you with merely a yacht and a modest villa.
Still, some stars in Berkshire’s firmament burn with a steadier light. Recent filings reveal over $400 million added to two Japanese trading houses-Mitsubishi and Mitsui-companies whose sprawling empires defy modern notions of focus. These are not the sleek, disruptive startups lauded in Silicon Valley; they are the old-growth forests of capitalism, their roots entangled in energy, shipping, and retail. One might call them “superfluous men” in today’s frenetic market, yet their very anachronism holds allure.
And so, we are drawn to the gleaming 7.5% yield of Energy Transfer, like moths to a flame. This yield is supported by the company’s status as a master limited partnership (MLP), and the lucrative tolling model of its vast energy infrastructure. The midstream sector, the domain in which Energy Transfer operates, has long been regarded as a steady and reliable haven amidst the volatility of the broader energy sector. Yet, herein lies a troubling question: Does mere yield-like a distant mirage on a desert horizon-suffice to guide the wise investor?
Yet here, in the shadow of central banking’s pantomime, D-Wave’s ascent was not born of merit but of miasma-a fog of quantum mystique and rate-cut reverie. The company, a specter in the realm of growth-dependent stocks, found itself buoyed by the same tides that lift all boats, regardless of their hulls’ integrity.
