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They’ve been promising the hydrogen economy since 1999. Nineteen ninety-nine. That’s… a long time to be promising something. They’ve specialized in hydrogen fuel cells, electrolyzers, the whole shebang. But let’s be real, their track record is less ‘scaling success’ and more ‘consistent underperformance’. They’ve funded operations with new share offerings – basically, asking nicely for more money – so often, it’s become their default setting. The stock is down 98.5% since IPO. Ninety-eight. Point. Five. Percent. I mean, wow. It’s a masterclass in value destruction. Still, here we are, wondering if this time… it’s different.

The stock’s already gone up more than I’ve aged in the last decade (and that’s saying something!). We’re talking a 22,000% jump! It’s enough to make a Rabbi feel generous. But don’t think you’ve missed the boat. Oh no. This gravy train is just leaving the station, and I, for one, plan on being conductor.

But let us not despair. The future, as they say, is a fog, and within that fog, opportunities may lurk, like mischievous imps waiting to snatch one’s savings. Let us examine these contenders, then, and determine which is the lesser of two evils, or, perhaps, the slightly more likely to not vanish into the digital abyss.

It’s Google, mostly. I still call it Google, even though it’s now Alphabet, which sounds like a preschool. They sell ads, which is how they fund everything else – the self-driving cars that occasionally confuse pigeons for stop signs, the cloud computing that I suspect is just someone else’s computer, and the endless stream of free email storage that allows me to archive every passive-aggressive email I’ve ever received. My sister, bless her, thinks they’re building a utopia. I suspect it’s more of a very efficient surveillance state, but the dividends are… acceptable.

Strategy, under the enigmatic guidance of Michael Saylor, has witnessed a share price escalation of 700% over the last ten years, though not without a recent, brutal reckoning – a 72% fall from its previous heights. A precipice, one might say, from which few return unscathed. The question, then, is not simply whether this cryptocurrency-focused entity can beat the market, but whether it can survive the inherent contradictions within its own design.

The machines, these digital golems, require a stability of supply that the conventional network, a sprawling and vulnerable labyrinth of transmission lines, cannot guarantee. The solution, or one proposed solution, lies in localized, modular reactors. Small, self-contained units capable of generating power independent of the larger, increasingly fragile grid. Within this nascent field, NuScale Power currently occupies a position akin to that of the first book in a Library of Babel – a singular, though incomplete, instantiation of a potentially infinite series.

Anyway, everyone’s now pivoting to energy stocks. Because apparently, if you can’t understand semiconductors, you just throw money at things that…power things. Fine. Constellation Energy and GE Vernova. Two companies, both promising growth, both completely devoid of any discernible personality. It’s like they’re designed to blend into the background, which, honestly, is probably a good business strategy. It’s just… depressing.

It appears the market, in its infinite wisdom, doth tremble at the thought of innovation. As if the very tools designed to fortify our defenses might, with a mischievous turn, render them obsolete! A rather theatrical display of apprehension, wouldn’t you say? Investors, ever prone to flights of fancy, have taken this as a harbinger of doom, a sign that the cybersecurity realm is about to be overturned. One might almost suspect a conspiracy amongst the algorithms themselves!