The Dan Ives AI Revolution ETF: A Mechanical Beast for $100

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Enter the Dan Ives Wedbush AI Revolution ETF (IVES), a creature born of both market acumen and the peculiar genius of its namesake. Dan Ives, that scribe of silicon and speculation, has conjured a fund as much a reflection of his own frenetic mind as it is a portfolio. It is a beast of contradictions: part alchemist’s grimoire, part bureaucratic ledger, and wholly a machine that demands you pay it 0.7% in tolls just to ride its back. But what is a meager toll when the road ahead is paved with the shimmering dust of trillions?

Three Dividend Stocks That Are Monsters in Disguise

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First out of the gate is none other than AGNC Investment, leading with aplomb at a jaw-dropping yield of 14.4%. Think of it as the flamboyant dandy of the group, investing in Agency residential mortgage-backed securities (MBS)-quite a mouthful, I daresay! These fine fellows in the MBS realm are safeguarded against credit calamities by the nimble hands of Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and Ginnie Mae. Employing a strategy of leveraging via repurchase agreements, AGNC is poised like a cat ready to pounce.

UXLINK’s Digital Debacle: $11.3M Stolen, 70% Crash!

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Blockchain sleuths, those modern-day Sherlock Holmeses, uncovered the culprit: a “delegateCall” vulnerability. This digital skeleton key allowed hackers to boot the original admins and install themselves as the wallet’s new overlords. One might call it a *coup d’état*, if coups weren’t generally considered more glamorous. 🎩

Dimon Drops Truth Bombs: Fed Cuts & Crypto’s Bank Heist 😱

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“Should inflation persist like an unwelcome houseguest,” mused Dimon, his tone dripping with the dry wit of a man accustomed to being right, “the Fed shall find itself in the unenviable position of a chef attempting to slice a steak with a spoon.” He paused, allowing the metaphor to linger like the scent of cigar smoke in a mahogany-paneled office. “Three percent-stubborn as a mule, and just as likely to kick upward.” Yet, ever the optimist (or perhaps merely a realist with excellent PR), he clung to the hope of “decent growth” rather than the specter of recession.

World Liberty Financial’s New Debit Card: Because Who Doesn’t Need Another App?

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Now, this app is promising the highly innovative ability to use Apple Pay for payments as low as a dollar. Wow. I can already hear your excitement-“This is totally what I needed in my life!” The real kicker? It’s supposed to blend peer-to-peer transfers with trading features. Basically, it’s like if Venmo and Robinhood had a baby. I’m picturing them fighting over who gets to decide which stock is cooler.

Bitcoin Plummets, But Titans Buy More! 💰

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With a flourish, Strategy Chairman Michael Saylor declared on X (formerly Twitter) that the company had gobbled up more Bitcoin, this time at a price so lofty it makes a squirrel’s nut stash look modest. 850 BTC, costing a mere $99.7 million-because nothing says “investment” like throwing money at a rollercoaster. 🎢

Bill Gurley’s Chocolate-Filled Tesla Surprise 🚗🍫

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Now, many years later, Gurley has turned his gleaming eye toward Tesla, and the stock market trembles with the thrill of possibility. Or perhaps it’s just the sound of investors gnawing their nails into confetti. Either way, the old fox has something to say about Elon Musk’s electric menagerie.

Investing Hoedown: 3 Top Dividend Stocks I Wouldn’t Hesitate to Buy With $1,000

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Allow me to present the illustrious trio: Brookfield Infrastructure (BIPC) (BIP), PepsiCo (PEP), and the illustrious VICI Properties (VICI). These companies have excellent records of raising their dividend payments like a magician pulling a rabbit-or maybe a cash cow-out of a hat! With growth shimmering on the horizon, I wouldn’t hesitate to invest a crisp $1,000 into any one of them right now-cue the confetti!