According to the press release, the new service is designed for large, regulated institutions. They can create their own branded platforms for crypto trading while Binance powers everything in the background, like a sly goblin bustling behind a velvet curtain.
RECENTLY, COSTCO DROPPED ANOTHER BURST OF NUMBERS THAT MADE THE BULLS YAWN. REVENUE HIT $86.2 BILLION-JUST A FEW DOLLARS OVER WALL STREET’S DREAMS. EARNINGS PER SHARE? $5.87, A SLIGHTLY HIGHER NUMBER THAN THE STREET EXPECTED. BUT THE STOCK? IT’S SITTING THERE LIKE A DUMPED LOVER, FLAT FOR THE YEAR WHILE THE S&P 500 DANCES IN THE SUN.
Skeptics, like the old man who counts his coins before sleep, mutter about valuations that defy gravity. Bulls, meanwhile, wave their charts like religious icons, insisting the company’s contracts with governments and corporations are proof of divine favor. Yet for the dividend hunter, the true measure lies not in multiples but in the quiet reliability of cash flow-something Palantir has yet to deliver.
But, one must ask, what is the true essence of this behemoth? Is it merely a company? A stock? Or something far more beguiling? Here lies a reason to part with your $10,000 in 2025, for those willing to risk such wagers in the grand game of economic chess.
Blockchain trackers whisper of large investors swooping in, reversing last week’s liquidations. These whales, one suspects, are not swimming in liquidity but dividend-seeking retirees who’ve realized that Bitcoin, like a well-timed call option, can juice returns when the world’s bureaucrats play their usual game of chicken. Meanwhile, the U.S. government teeters on the brink of a shutdown-a farce as old as Congress itself. Lawmakers now have until tomorrow to fund the government, lest we witness a performance art piece where the Treasury Department plays the part of a defunct vending machine.
But fear not, dear citizens and digital coin hoarders! The crypto cabaret might be losing its star performer, yet the curtain rises on fresh acts under Mamdani’s grand economic spectacle – ambitious enough to make even the Wall Street wizards blink.
Now, according to the fine folks at Reuters, JD’s industrial arm – JingDong Industrials, or JDi as the savvy types are calling it – is fixing to raise a neat $500 million with a Hong Kong listing. They say it’ll happen sometime in late October, though I wouldn’t bet my boots on the timing. The list of banks lining up to help with the charade includes some of the finest names on Wall Street: Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, Haitong, UBS, and Huatai. Why, it sounds like they’re assembling a team for a gold rush in the industrial sector!
The Fly, that intrepid chronicler of market whims, reports the analyst’s decree. He expects the company to promise a doubling of revenue by 2030. A bold claim, one might say, for a firm whose earnings last year amounted to $1.55 per share-a paltry sum for a stock priced at $316. The P/E ratio of 200 is not a number but a riddle, solved only by those who mistake future promises for present realities.
In their latest missive, Morgan Stanley-those modern-day court jesters of capitalism-raised their target to $750, all while keeping their “overweight” rating, because nothing says caution like betting on a product launch like it’s the last horse at the racetrack. They cite the Oct. 1 Axon Ads Manager rollout as the “proof point” for scaling nongaming ads, as if the gaming world’s ad dominance wasn’t already a well-trodden highway. And let’s not forget Piper Sandler and UBS, who’ve joined the parade with their own glittering price targets ($740, $810-because why not aim for the moon if you’re already ignoring gravity?). Together, they form a Greek chorus chanting, “Trust us, it’s different this time!”
Enter Blykalla AB, Stockholm’s brooding virtuoso of small modular reactors, now bound to Oklo in matrimony most strategic. Their vows include technology trysts, supply chains entwined like helical strakes, and regulatory whisperings traded like confidences in a Speakeasy. The dowry? A modest $5 million to fuel Blykalla’s next investment round-a trifle for plutonium potentates.