O, trembling mortal! The Bollinger Bands — that fabled serpentine corset girdling Bitcoin’s volatile waist — now suggest a possible pirouette into the $110,000 ether and, in some feverish opium dream, even beyond.
This shimmering proposal wants to slap a per-transaction gas cap on our dear crypto stage, lest some ruffian’s trade gobbles the whole block and strands us all at the digital bar. “Smaller sips, chaps!” is the gist. Those cheeky denial-of-service scoundrels will have to be creative elsewhere 🎩.
The list includes some of Russia’s biggest crypto miners, digital asset issuers, and payment intermediaries. These entities are suspected of moving vast sums of money to prop up Russia’s military and industrial sectors. It’s like they’re the financial equivalent of a secret underground railroad, but for digital assets. 🚂💻
Yet herein lies a delicious irony. Transparency, that sacred pillar of our new digital Eden, so instrumental in banishing intermediaries, also opens the doors to mischief, surveillance, entrepreneurial hackers, and, lest we forget, the odd kidnapper with a LinkedIn account. The blockchain giveth; the blockchain broadcasteth.
The consensus in the bitcoin 🌐 market remains bullish even though the price has held above $100,000 every day bar one for two months, with analysts’ projections for resistance levels ranging from $140,000 to over $200,000.
Apparently, global crypto exchange-traded products (that’s “ETPs” to their trendy friends) attracted $1.03 billion in fresh inflows for the week ending Friday. This, at least according to CoinShares, an outfit that seems to track these things with the kind of dedication previously reserved for birdwatchers or stamp collectors.
According to local media, Russian authorities have already compiled this registry and distributed it to regions with high mining activity. Like, who knew there were so many crypto cowboys out there? 🤠
Pippen, in a surprising twist that has left the crypto community scratching their heads, has unveiled a watch list of cryptocurrencies that he believes could be the next big thing. Now, I don’t know about you, but when a guy who used to play with Michael Jordan starts talking about XRP, DOGE, and SHIB, it’s time to sit up and pay attention. 🤔
A ripple traversed the market, courtesy of U.S. officials declaring that President Trump’s long-muttered tariff hikes would not, alas, come to fruition overnight. Nations, trembling at the thought of hastily drawn accounts, now find themselves with the boon of time for negotiation—a dispensable, yet priceless commodity in financial chess.
Not unlike a minor Tolstoy character contemplating a change of hats, Cardano has slipped out of its recent malaise with a graceful hop. Following in the frenetic footsteps of its cousins, Bitcoin and Ethereum, ADA now reclines above the $0.5750 mark, tossing glances back at $0.580 like a debutante scanning a dull ballroom.
