FLOKI’s Wild Ride: Webull Pay Listing Sparks Volatility and Laughter 🤣

The token’s volatile session was marked by a sharp 4% rally during the U.S. morning hours, followed by aggressive profit-taking as resistance formed near the $0.00009400 level. Trading volume spiked to 95.85 billion tokens at the height of the rally — more than 56% above FLOKI’s daily average — before declining steadily into the U.S. afternoon.

GMX’s Calamitous Collapse: A Most Unfortunate Hack

The particulars of this dastardly deed are shrouded in mystery, but the GMX team, in a display of benevolence, has offered the attackers a 10% bounty, provided they return 90% of the pilfered funds within a span of 48 hours ⏰. One cannot help but wonder if this gesture shall be met with the desired outcome.

US Senate Bill Targets Bukele’s Bitcoin Strategy With Massive Sanctions Plan

The bill, if passed, would invoke full economic blockade powers under the International Emergency Economic Powers Act—because why not? It would freeze the assets of thirteen Salvadoran officials, including Bukele, Vice President Félix Ulloa, and the president of the Central Reserve Bank. Visas, too, would be revoked. And just for good measure, the US directors at the World Bank and IMF would be compelled to vote against new loans to El Salvador, with direct US assistance also being cut off. A fair bit of “fun” for all involved, right?

Shekel Hits 30-Month High! Is It Time to Break out the Confetti? 🎉💸

In a plot twist worthy of a thriller, this little currency has appreciated by a whopping 4.87% in just a month and a mind-boggling 9.06% over the last year. Analysts are brushing off their crystal balls and pointing to a drop in Israel’s risk premium, thanks to the ongoing geopolitical soap opera with Iran. 💥 Meanwhile, the local stock market has been working out, clearly hitting the gym and gaining some impressive muscle. With the shekel bouncing back by 3% since the drama began with Iran, who knows? We might just see it strutting down to around 3.0 ILS per USD in no time! Don’t forget your popcorn! 🍿

UNI Tokens Wake Up, Party Like It’s 2021!

On July 9, those clever folks at Santiment reported that the network had witnessed its highest-ever “age consumed” spike, with the metric hitting a whopping 72.95 billion. That’s like the number of times I’ve told my wife I love her… this week. 😜