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In a rather scholarly little treatise titled The Power of Dividends: Past, Present, and Future, the gentlemen of Hartford Funds and Ned Davis Research-two institutions as reputable as the Bank of England-conducted a most meticulous study of dividend-paying stocks versus their non-paying counterparts over a period of fifty-one years. Their conclusion? That dividend stocks, like a well-brewed pot of Earl Grey, outperformed their rivals by a margin of 9.2% annually to 4.31%, while also exhibiting less volatility than the S&P 500. A most impressive feat, though one might wonder if the researchers had perhaps been indulging in a spot of brandy when they penned their findings.

In a desperate (yet entirely predictable) attempt to keep afloat, Nebius-formerly riding high on its Yandex search engine-decided to pivot, shedding its Russian assets like a bad breakup. It rebranded itself as a cloud-based AI infrastructure provider, and voila! The once-sequestered company returned to the Nasdaq in October 2024, like an ex trying to sneak back into a high school reunion. Its stock reopened at $14.29 and shot up to about $110, dazzling investors with promises of AI growth and a shiny new deal with Microsoft. But now, in a market as fickle as my own attempts at making sourdough bread, the question looms: is this stock still worth buying today, or is it yet another mirage in the desert of tech speculation?

Let us not mistake the siren song of “multi-million-dollar potential” for wisdom. For even the most vaunted titans-Nvidia, Meta, Amazon-have stumbled, their stock prices once plunging over 40% from lofty peaks. Yet, like Ibsen’s Peer Gynt, investors chase phantoms, believing the next act will crown them kings of innovation. Alas, since 2023, the very same stocks now gleam with returns of 500%, 1,100%, and more, while the S&P 500 sighs in their shadow.

Netflix is the phantom limb of capitalism. It doesn’t ship boxes, build factories, or care about tariffs. It’s a digital phantasm, flickering across screens like a possessed VCR tape. But don’t let the “streaming” buzzword fool you-this is a beast with teeth. Its revenue? Growing like a weed in a nuclear fallout zone. Earnings? Climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops. Free cash flow? A rocket ship fueled by binge-watching and existential dread.

Buffett’s annualized 20% return has gathered followers like moths to a financial mothball. They trail him with Form 13F filings, those gossipy little scrolls that spill secrets about stocks and ETFs. And Form 4s, which shout when billionaires nibble their own shares. It’s a game of hide-and-seek with money, played in a language only the rich understand.

Investors, once giddy with space-age optimism, now seem to have grown weary. The moon, once a symbol of ambition, has become a reminder of the chasm between vision and reality.