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Apple used to be the sort of company that demanded a fortune for everything. A premium price, they called it. More like highway robbery, if you ask me. If you wanted a bit more memory, a faster chip, a slightly less dreadful colour, you’d be digging deep into your pockets. But now? Now they’re offering things at prices that don’t quite make your eyes water. The iPhone 17e, for example. A mere $599! It’s almost… generous. Almost. They had a 16e last year, same price, but with half the storage and a chip that wheezed a bit. Clever, really. Make you think you’re getting a bargain, while subtly shrinking what you actually receive.

They speak of “financial health,” these analysts. A sterile term. Better to think of it as a fortress, built not of stone, but of readily convertible promises. Currently, the fifty largest such fortresses hold over $3.1 trillion. A sum that could, one imagines, alleviate a considerable amount of earthly suffering… or simply fuel another round of speculative excess. The bulk of this hoard – three-quarters, to be precise – resides within the financial, consumer discretionary, and technological sectors. Predictable, wouldn’t you say?

Custom dictates that departing chairs relinquish their positions on the Board of Governors upon the conclusion of their term. However, Powell’s tenure on the Board extends through 2028, affording him the option to remain a voting member of the FOMC. This is not unprecedented; historical precedent, notably the case of Marriner Eccles in the late 1940s, demonstrates that a departing chair may choose to remain engaged, particularly when concerns regarding external influence are present.

The author, a gentleman named Van Geelen, posited a “2028 Global Intelligence Crisis,” a rather dramatic title for a speculation on the potential for artificial intelligence to… disrupt things. The theory, as it were, involved a doom loop of job losses, declining wages, and a subsequent curtailment of consumption. A perfectly plausible scenario, of course, though one could equally predict a renaissance of artisanal cheese-making. The market, it seems, prefers to dwell on the negative. A 38% plunge in the S&P 500 was predicted. One wonders if such pronouncements are made for insight or simply to add a touch of theatricality to the daily tedium.

Fortunately, there exists a rather ingenious contraption, the Roundhill Generative AI and Technology ETF (CHAT 1.90%), designed to rectify such lapses in foresight. It’s a fund, you see, dedicated entirely to companies dabbling in the creation of AI infrastructure, software, and platforms. And, rather cleverly, it has a substantial portion of its assets – a good twenty per cent, if you please – invested in the likes of Nvidia, Alphabet, Micron Technology, and Amazon. A decidedly sound arrangement, one might venture to suggest.

Zscaler, you see, purports to offer ‘zero-trust’ security. A curious phrase. As if trust, that most fragile of human constructs, could be simply removed from the equation. It is as if to say, “Let us assume everyone is a scoundrel, and then build a system to account for their inevitable villainy.” The architecture, it is explained, treats every connection as hostile. One pictures a digital customs officer, perpetually suspicious of every packet of data attempting to cross the border. It begins, naturally, with the identity. They scrutinize logins, devices, and locations, as if a rogue employee couldn’t simply borrow a colleague’s credentials and a slightly misleading IP address. A most thorough system, if one discounts the inherent fallibility of human beings and the relentless ingenuity of those who seek to circumvent such systems.

So, these car companies, Ford, General Motors, Tesla… they think slapping a famous name on a vehicle is enough? Please! It’s like thinking a toupee makes you young again. It might fool some people, but the smart buyers? They want value. They want dependability. And, let’s be honest, they want a warranty that doesn’t require a lawyer to decipher.

The pursuit of income from such a hoard – a steady drip of dividends to fund the acquisition of slightly less essential items – is, apparently, a common aspiration. Is it realistic? Well, realistically speaking, most things are improbable. But some improbabilities are merely… less improbable than others. Here’s one way, involving three exchange-traded funds (ETFs) from Vanguard. Don’t ask why Vanguard. It just… is. Like the number 42.

But the seasons change, even for empires of commerce. Advantage is not a possession, but a fleeting alignment of circumstance. It requires constant tending, a vigilance against the subtle shifts in the landscape. The wind carries new seeds, and the soil itself grows weary.

People are even starting to use artificial intelligence – clever bits of code that are, in theory, capable of thinking for themselves – to participate in these markets. Essentially, they’re building digital bookies. It’s all rather futuristic, and slightly unsettling. The AI isn’t placing bets on the Derby, mind you. It’s trading in probabilities, which feels…different. But both Kalshi and Polymarket are still private companies, and most of the AI firms are busy selling their services to governments and big corporations. Which leaves a curious gap in the market, as it were.