The ever-watchful analysts at CryptoQuant have posted on X (because Twitter is so dreadfully 2018) to illuminate a question burning in every financier’s heart: are ETFs sweeping the trading boards, or are they just holding the coats backstage?
Solana [SOL], with the stubbornness of a dust-covered mule, steps forward to twist the gears of its own machinery. The Alpenglow upgrade has come down to a vote – a simple yes or no that could turn the slow churn of transactions into a lightning flash and toughen the network against all comers.
Oh, it’s getting spicy. Uniswap [UNI] is seeing some *serious* whale action. A fresh withdrawal of 408,557 UNI worth a cool $4.11 million from Binance has set tongues wagging. 💸💸
This spicy update affects the cool kids hanging out on Omni Layer, Bitcoin Cash SLP, Kusama, EOS, and Algorand. Tether spilled the beans on Friday after taking some serious community feedback-which, shocker, they listened to! “Following the feedback from the communities of these discontinued blockchains, Tether has revised this approach and will not freeze the smart contracts on these networks.” Translation: We had a plan, y’all showed us receipts, so we backed off. Classic.
Folks, Ambarella’s revenue swelled to $95.5 million this quarter-nigh on 50% higher than last year. Now, I ain’t no mathematician, but that’s enough to make a banker’s mustache quiver. Profits? They inched up 16% to $6.4 million, or $0.15 per share if you’re countin’ pennies. Analysts? Bless their hearts, they expected less-like underestimatin’ a hungry rattlesnake in a chicken coop.
But here’s the thing: Harold wasn’t entirely wrong about one thing-investing in companies with momentum can work. It’s just that instead of gambling on memes, you might want to look at something slightly more substantial. Like Amazon. Yes, *that* Amazon. The company so ubiquitous it feels like it’s already taken over your life-and possibly your checking account.
For context, the S&P 500 managed to maintain a semblance of dignity, languishing with only a 0.6% decline-a veritable triumph in comparison.
Thursday’s regulatory filing, a document as thick with foreboding as a Stalinist edict, revealed Caterpillar’s grim calculus: a $1.5 billion to $1.8 billion tariff-induced wound for the year. This, they admitted, was a revision-upward, as if the devil himself had sharpened his quill. The original $1.5 billion forecast, once a mere scratch on the ledger of fate, now seemed a prelude to a far darker ledger. For the third quarter alone, the toll would be $500 million to $600 million, a sum that might as well have been scribbled by a bureaucrat drunk on absinthe.
Oh, the drama! Hyperliquid just had one of its most dramatic falls since its last tea party. In just 48 hours, it plummeted from a lofty $50.91 to a humble $43.75-a drop of $7.16, according to the ever-watchful Henrik. It’s almost as if the market said, “Oops, we got carried away!” and decided to yank the rug out from under everyone’s feet. Technically speaking, this breakdown suggests that supply has gobbled up demand like a greedy ogre at a buffet. 🐲🍴
Nestled in a Virginia suburb that smells faintly of bureaucracy and coffee, BigBear.ai is the kind of company that would have been hired by the Ministry of Magic to automate the sorting of owls. Its mission? To provide mission-ready AI solutions to defense agencies, a task that sounds both urgent and slightly absurd when you consider how many humans it employs to explain what “mission-ready” actually means.
