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TAO Synergies, a major digital asset treasury, is focused on the Bittensor (TAO) ecosystem, and they’ve raised a private placement financing round of 11 million. A grand affair, indeed! 🧙‍♂️💰

Bitwise, a crypto asset manager which sounds like a fancy brain training program, says 172 companies are now holding the stuff. That’s… a lot of spreadsheets. The total value of all this corporate Bitcoin is now $117 billion, which is more than the GDP of Liechtenstein. I checked. 🇱🇮

Japanese advertising giant Hakuhodo, in a move that could only be described as “finally getting it right,” partnered with Tools for Humanity and LG Electronics for the pilot. The program targeted a persistent industry problem: distinguishing real users from bots. Because, let’s face it, bots have been giving advertisers a run for their money-literally.

In a move that screams “we’ve got your back,” Binance has just launched its “Together Initiative.” This isn’t just a small handshake; we’re talking $300 million in a user seed program. Oh, and don’t forget the $100 million institutional support fund! 🍀💵 Retail users, brace yourselves for token vouchers ranging from $4,000 to $6,000. That’s right, they’re throwing you a lifeline to cover your losses from the recent crypto rollercoaster ride. 🎢💔

The Blockchain Recovery Investment Consortium (BRIC), an outfit whose very name suggests both ambition and, let’s be frank, a rather unfortunate acronym, secured this paltry sum-a band-aid on the gaping wound left by Celsius’s spectacular implosion. The lawsuit, filed in August of last year (2024, for those keeping track of the relentless march of digital time), concerned those wonderfully obscure matters of “collateral transfers” and “liquidations.” Such clinical terms for such chaotic events! 🕵️

Bitcoin, ever the optimist, clawed its way back from the depths of $112,000, scaling past $112,500 and $113,200 like a prisoner tunneling toward daylight-only to find another wall.

According to our mischievous friend COINDREAM, it appears the erstwhile sparkle in the traders’ eyes has dimmed markedly post last week’s scandalous market plummet. This affair, I confess, felt as theatrical as one of my own tragedies.

Not presently, dear reader, though one supposes they might deign to consider it later-should the risk not offend their delicate sensibilities too grievously.