In a Truth Social post that screams “I’m still relevant, guys!” Trump took another swing at Fed Chair Jerome Powell. Because, you know, what’s a day in politics without a good old-fashioned feud? 🤺
One need only glance at Intel’s most recent earnings report to discern that the company faces formidable challenges, largely due to its new CEO, Lip-Bu Tan, who has embarked upon a rather drastic “right-sizing” campaign. With a decided lack of sentimentality, the company has laid off no less than 15% of its workforce. Furthermore, it is divesting itself of its networking and edge business, thereby transforming into an independent entity, ripe for external investment. In addition, one cannot ignore the impairments taken on obsolete equipment, signaling a departure from assets once considered valuable.
Yet, amid this inferno of destruction, the price of SHIB chose not to soar but instead plummeted with all the grace of a drunken peasant falling off his cart—down 11.11% in just two days. Truly, the gods of irony must have been chuckling at such a spectacle. It seems that while some burned their tokens in hopes of future riches, others watched their investments turn to ash before their very eyes.
In the shade of glass towers, JPMorgan & Chase shakes hands with Coinbase. Out crawls a shiny new promise that Chase card holders, come autumn, can fill their Coinbase wallets as easy as tying their boots. Never before has a bank of this stature grinned at crypto, but here we are—shocking Grandma and Wall Street in one fell swoop. 🤠
Over the past year, Birkenstock’s stock has been all over the place. It’s like watching a person trying to keep their balance while crossing a tightrope strung between two uncomfortable truths. As of this writing, the stock is down about 8% over the last 12 months. However, it’s also surged by 15% from where it stood a year ago. It’s been a classic rollercoaster—rising as much as 15%, then plunging 34% from its 52-week highs. One might call it a volatile year for investors, but let’s face it, that’s a euphemism for the kind of uncertainty we all try to avoid on a Sunday afternoon when we realize we forgot to buy milk.
In this vast, trembling universe of digital commerce, Etsy—once a symbol of hope for the artisan soul—finds itself entangled in a relentless struggle against the erosion of its own vitality. As sales diminish—those fleeting spirits slipping through mortal grasp—one sees an echo of our human condition: the fragile, transient nature of progress. The gross merchandise sales, a measure of collective longing and labor, have declined by 4.8%, even after excising Reverb, a ghost from the past that no longer bears weight. The active buyer—once a steadfast pilgrim—has diminished by 3.4%, leaving behind a wake of abandoned carts and aspirations. The sellers, those willing to bleed for craft and commerce alike, retreat by 7.8%, ensconced in an existential crisis of relevance.
When Wall Street meets crypto—like oil and water but somehow making whiskey—Ethereum’s reputation is swelling. Investors, both big and small, eye it like a jackpot, and Lee’s words are the cartographer’s map: “Follow this trail,” he seems to say, “for the riches are over yonder.”
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Ah! The integration of Coinbase’s digital platform with the venerable services of JPMorgan — how remarkably convenient for those who view cryptocurrency not as the sinister specter of financial ruin, but as a shiny new toy. Retail and institutional investors alike will now find their path smoothed, as though the very gods of finance had decided to sprinkle a bit of serendipity upon their transactions.
Dan Ives is no mere analyst; he is a maestro orchestrating the cacophony of technology. His name, now etched into an ETF, carries the weight of a thousand earnings calls and the flicker of a dozen televised debates. Yet his true genius lies not in his wardrobe’s vibrancy but in his ability to distill chaos into clarity. The Dan Ives Wedbush AI Revolution ETF, born from the Solactive Wedbush Artificial Intelligence Index, is his latest opus—a portfolio of 30 names, handpicked and reborn every six months, like a garden pruned for the coming frost.