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Behold, dear reader, the spectacle of a fiber broadband titan who, after reporting second-quarter earnings last night, found itself in a fiscal purgatory. The adjusted loss per share, though technically “beating” expectations, was less a triumph than a dirge, accompanied by the hollow cheer of cost-cutting measures. A company that must amuse its patrons with austerity is a company in dire straits, is it not?

Consider the arithmetic: a deviation of 0.1% from $1 is deemed negligible, as if the universe of finance were bound by divine precision. Two one-hundredths of a percent — a fraction so small it might as well be a footnote in the ledger of eternity. Yet what is this stability, if not the illusion of order conjured by men who have learned to dress chaos in the robes of arithmetic?

Hold your horses, because things aren’t as dreary as they might first appear! Apple’s performance was, in fact, rather remarkable for the quarter, showing a crisp $1.57 per share in earnings and a towering revenue of over $94 billion. A smashing victory for the tech giant, to say the least! Their revenue growth—up a full 10% compared to last year—is the highest they’ve seen since 2021, a truly splendid achievement! But here’s the curious bit—iPhone sales alone topped $44.5 billion, a figure that was almost double what analysts had been whispering in their tea cups (roughly $89.5 billion). Oh, and don’t forget those pesky $800 million in tariffs—they do love to sneak in like unwanted guests at the dinner table.

The truth is that Fluor’s actions have cast a shadow over Oklo’s prospects, and investors, ever alert to omens, are beginning to question whether they should follow suit.