ENA’s Meteoric Rise: A Tale of Greed, Speculation, and 🚀

The driving force behind this meteoric rise is none other than the growth of Ethena’s native stablecoin, USDe, whose circulating supply has now ballooned to $7.54 billion. This surge has been accompanied by a 50% increase in Ethena’s Total Value Locked (TVL) in July alone. The impact of StablecoinX’s $260M buyback, initiated on July 21, continues to ripple through the market, with approximately 8% of the supply expected to be removed from circulation by the end of August. Ah, the sweet scent of scarcity! 🌸

Robinhood Soars: 45% Revenue Surge & Crypto Bonanza!

Oh, what a glorious summer it was for Robinhood, the digital cowboy of Wall Street, as it galloped into Q2 2025 with a revenue leap so high, it might’ve made a hawk weep. A 45% jump, $989 million in gold coins clinking in its pockets, and the crypto division? Why, it was a firework show … Read more

You Won’t Believe What Japan, Korea, and Trump Are Up To With Crypto 😱

Japan is playing it cool with its monetary policy, like that one friend who insists on “keeping things chill” even when everyone else is panicking. Meanwhile, a Korean court sentenced a Chinese scammer who thought laundering money through USDT was a good idea. Spoiler: It wasn’t. And Trump? Oh, he’s got a one-page plan for a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. One page. That’s shorter than most people’s grocery lists. Let’s unpack this dumpster fire, shall we?

Solana in August: Will SOL Rise or Just Cry Itself to Sleep? 😴💰

But darling, August is here, and suddenly, SOL’s looking a bit… deflated. Like a balloon at a vegan birthday party 🎈🌱. Investors are doing the crypto shuffle—selling faster than you can say “tax implications.” And who can blame them? Everyone loves locking in gains like they’re locking their ex’s Netflix password.

ETH’s Epic $4k Chase: XRP Sinking, Dogecoin’s Mess – Must-See!

But $4k? Pfft, that’s no joke. It’s like that ex who keeps ghosting you – dense, resistant, and probably a distribution top from past heartbreaks. Statistically, charging straight through without a fakeout is about as likely as me winning an Oscar for this crypto gig. Bulls might poke a wick up there, but sustaining it? Nah, needs a crowd of momentum traders and some serious buying pressure. And RSI over 80? Oof, that’s overbought territory, screaming for a chill pill or a quick dip. Could be a sideways shuffle or a pullback, but hey, after this parabolic lunacy, even ETH needs a coffee break. ☕ If it holds above $3,750 without melting down from profit-takers, maybe it’ll smash through. Otherwise, a dip to $3,400 could just recharge for round two. Fingers crossed! 🤞

Unum’s Descent: A Stock’s Winter and Spring

The second quarter bore fruit: premium income swelled by nearly 5%, net investment income rose by 3%. Yet the harvest felt meager, as if the soil had been sown with doubt. The top line, though slightly exceeding expectations, trembled like a leaf in a gust. Beneath, the core income—after-tax adjusted operating profit—slipped by 12%, a quiet tremor in the chest of investors.

Trump’s Korea Tariff Deal: A Tale of Trade, Tensions, and Triumph 🎭

The agreement shields Korea’s sensitive agricultural sectors—rice and beef—from further market opening, much like how one might shield their secret stash of cookies from hungry siblings. And just in time too! The looming threat of 25% tariffs was set to crash the party on August 1, but alas, cooler heads (and bigger wallets) prevailed.

GeneDx’s Stock Soars—A Tale of Pundits and Praise

GeneDx’s second-quarter results, while undeniably sprightly, were not merely a matter of numbers on a page. Revenue had taken a brisk turn for the better, and the bottom line, once a forlorn figure, had now donned a waistcoat and declared itself in the black. Yet it was the manner in which these figures surpassed the consensus forecasts that truly set the tone for the week. Management, in a moment of uncharacteristic exuberance, had also tweaked its guidance, as though adjusting the sails of a ship in a gale.