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Let us begin with the most glaring instances of systemic delusion: Dogecoin and Shiba Inu. These are not currencies, not even nascent attempts at decentralized finance. They are, rather, manifestations of a collective folly, born from the fleeting whims of internet culture. To ascribe inherent value to them is to engage in a self-deception of profound proportions. They have risen, yes, by a margin that offends reason. But this is a ‘dead-dog bounce’ of the most pathetic variety – a momentary spasm before the inevitable descent. Their circulating supplies are monstrous, a testament to the unchecked proliferation of digital ephemera. To hold these tokens is not to invest, but to participate in a grand, collective exercise in wishful thinking.

Yet, even in this frenzy surrounding the artificial intelligence – this new god of efficiency – a few stones remain unturned. Amazon and Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing. Not shining beacons, mind you, but solid ground for a weary traveler. They offer a semblance of value, a chance to build something lasting amidst the shifting sands.

The performance of Coca-Cola was all the more noteworthy given the peculiar languor that afflicted the consumer staples sector as a whole. While the broader S&P 500 ascended with a vigor of 16.4%, this sector, burdened by its own weight of tradition, could only muster a decline of 1.2%. A curious spectacle, this divergence, revealing the subtle preferences of the investing public.

Nvidia’s had a bit of a wobble, which is a good reminder that even the shiny new things can fall. It makes you wonder if we’re all just caught up in the hype. Tesla’s down too, year to date. About 6%, if my calculations are correct (and let’s be honest, they often aren’t). Which, logically, could be a buying opportunity. Except… logic and investing rarely seem to coexist peacefully.

They’re bragging about subscriber growth, which is fine, I guess. But it’s not like they invented television. And this “successful advertising tier”? Please. It’s commercials. We’ve had commercials for decades. It’s not innovation, it’s just… acknowledging reality. And KPop Demon Hunters? Look, I don’t even know what that is, and frankly, I don’t want to. It’s just… noise. And they think this is going to save them?

Palantir. Sounds like a Russian novel, doesn’t it? Except instead of angst and revolution, it’s data analysis. They started by helping governments spy on…well, everything. Now they’re trying to sell that same software to businesses. It’s like taking a tank to a tea party. Their commercial side is growing, though, faster than my Aunt Mildred’s bunions. But here’s the kicker: an analyst at RBC Capital thinks Palantir’s share price should be $50. Fifty dollars! That’s a 70% haircut for a stock currently trading at $171. It’s enough to make a grown man cry…or short the stock.

Last year, a shift. A murmur in the machine. Investors, perhaps weary of the obvious, turned a gaze toward AMD. A 77% rise, outstripping Nvidia’s 39%. A small rebellion, you might say. But is it a true turning, or merely a temporary eddy in the current?

I mean, Buffett always said stick to what you understand. Easy businesses. Value investing. And AI? AI is…complicated. And expensive. And frankly, a bit terrifying. My current understanding of AI extends to being repeatedly targeted by oddly specific ads for things I mentioned in passing to my sister. So, a foray into that world felt…uncharacteristic. Units of Cryptocurrency Lost: 12. Hours Spent Watching Charts: 9. Number of Panicked Texts to Friends: 24. All related to trying to understand what a “large language model” actually is.