In an opinion issued on March 2nd, Judge Katherine Polk Failla (a name that sounds like it belongs on a superhero’s villain list) dismissed the case with the enthusiasm of someone who’s finally figured out how to open a jar of pickles. The judge basically said, “Duh, of course Uniswap isn’t liable for third-party scammers. If you’re dumb enough to trade a token named ‘BoringCoin’ and it vanishes, that’s on you.”
Shareholders, naturally, have been reaping the benefits of this admirable efficiency. The stock, over the last three years, has performed a positively dizzying jig, climbing a remarkable 437%. A most agreeable sight, wouldn’t you agree? And even in the last twelve months, it’s put on a respectable 60%, which is enough to make even the most hardened City gent crack a smile.
On March 3, 2026, the global crypto colossus OKX declared a union with Katana, a blockchain hatched in the warm incubator of Polygon Labs and GSR. This pact, a marriage of convenience, lets users siphon onchain returns without the hassle of manual bridging-though one wonders if the “effortless” part includes surrendering their life savings.
The 17e, you see, is the ‘entry-level’ iPhone. It starts at $599, which, when you consider that some people once paid the equivalent of a small house for a brick-sized mobile phone, feels almost…reasonable. The standard 17, naturally, is a bit more, starting at $799. It’s a curious thing, this pricing. They’re offering double the storage on the ‘e’ model for the same price as the previous budget version. It’s like getting a free dessert with your coffee, only the coffee is a remarkably complex piece of engineering. And people are buying them. In vast quantities.
It reminds a feller of the electric carriage craze a few years back. Tesla, bless their ambitious hearts, was the first to truly try, bleeding red ink for what felt like an eternity. But once Wall Street got a whiff of that potential, why, it was like opening the floodgates. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a half-baked idea and a shiny brochure was suddenly an electric car manufacturer. Rivian, Lucid – names you hear bandied about now – popped up amongst a whole host of others, all clamoring for a piece of the public’s purse. A grand rush, I assure you, and one that rarely ends well for the pursuers.
Six folks lost cash to scam tokens-rug pulls, pump-and-dump schemes, the crypto equivalent of a snake oil salesman with a blockchain. They sued Uniswap, blaming the platform for enabling their misfortunes. The securities claims died in 2023. The Second Circuit briefly resurrected state-law claims in 2025. Now? Dead again. Buried with a tombstone reading “Defies Logic.”
The macroeconomic climate? Surprisingly… not awful. The biggest news isn’t some global economic meltdown, but the SEC suddenly deciding that maybe, just maybe, not suing everyone all the time is a viable strategy. It’s like they realized endless litigation is expensive and bad PR. Revolutionary! This benefits XRP because they recently settled a lawsuit over whether their token sales were securities. The court said retail investors were good, institutional investors… less so. It’s nuanced. Like a corporate restructuring.
The crypto folks and the bankers were supposed to hold hands and sing Kumbaya, but instead, they’re playing a never-ending game of “Who’s Got the Bigger Ledger?” Spoiler alert: nobody’s winning.
David Tepper, a fellow who runs Appaloosa Management (a name that conjures images of particularly stubborn equines, doesn’t it?), has a reputation for not losing quite as much money as most people. So, when he started rearranging the furniture in his portfolio – specifically, trimming his holdings in Nvidia and Amazon last quarter – it raised an eyebrow. Or, in my case, caused a small, internal debate with the yield-seeking gnome who advises me on these matters.1 These two stocks, you see, have been reliably dispensing profits like a well-maintained chocolate fountain.
The proposed acquisition of Warner Bros. assets – those tiresome franchises like Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, and the entire DC universe – would have been, undoubtedly, a rather grand gesture. One imagines endless possibilities for exploitation, new programs, and a general increase in revenue. But, honestly, a bit much, don’t you think? And those Netflix Houses? Filling them with Wednesday and Stranger Things paraphernalia… a touch provincial, wouldn’t you agree?