Oracle & TikTok: A Tech Romance?

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Right. So, Oracle. It popped a bit on Monday, didn’t it? Three percent. Apparently, this TikTok thing is getting… complicated. A joint venture. Honestly, it sounds like a bad rom-com plot. Oracle, Silver Lake, some Abu Dhabi people… all holding 15% stakes. It’s like a slightly awkward blind date, isn’t it? And ByteDance, clinging onto 19.9%. I mean, who doesn’t love a bit of drama?

The U.S. data is going on Oracle Cloud. They’re calling themselves the “trusted security partner.” Which, let’s be honest, is a rather good marketing phrase. It sounds… responsible. Like a sensible cardigan. It means, basically, that if anything goes wrong, it’s their problem. Which, as a shareholder, is… reassuring. Though I’m still slightly suspicious. Everything sounds so… neat.

Everyone’s saying this is a way to invest in TikTok. Which, okay, fine. But is it enough to turn Oracle around? Monday’s little surge didn’t last, did it? It felt… fleeting. Like a promising date that ends with someone accidentally spilling red wine all over your new dress. The stock’s down 47% from its high. 47%! It’s enough to make a person reconsider all their life choices.

TikTok: A Side Hustle for a Tech Giant

Apparently, this joint venture is valued at $14 billion. Oracle’s stake? Around $2.1 billion. Which, when you consider Oracle’s market cap is around $500 billion… is, shall we say, not exactly a fortune. It’s like finding a tenner in your handbag when you’re trying to pay off a mortgage. Nice, but not exactly life-changing. The real money, they say, is in the partnership with Oracle Cloud. But we’ll have to wait and see about that. Honestly, waiting is becoming a full-time job.

Everyone keeps talking about AI. Oracle has invested heavily in it. They had a deal with OpenAI, worth around $300 billion. It sounds… impressive. They’ve got a contract backlog of $523 billion. Which is a lot of promises. The problem is converting those promises into actual money. And Oracle has a rather… leveraged balance sheet. Which is a polite way of saying they owe a lot of people money.

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Bold Bets & Slightly Shaky Foundations

Some people think Oracle’s spending on AI is excessive. But I think they’re being cautiously optimistic. They’re building data centers. Lots of them. Which is expensive. Very expensive. My current spending breakdown: Avocado toast: £47. Financial advisor fees: £470. Data center construction (hypothetical): Approximately £47,000. It’s a pattern, I’m telling you.

Right now, Oracle’s financials look… terrible. Free cash flow is negative. Debt is piling up. But apparently, that’s because they’re in the middle of a massive buildout. Supposedly, in a couple of years, capital expenditures will decline, and cash flow will soar. It sounds… hopeful. Though I’m starting to suspect hope is a luxury I can’t afford.

They’re vulnerable to a pullback in AI spending, especially from OpenAI. But they think they can redirect capacity to other customers. Which sounds… optimistic. Like believing you can fit all your winter clothes into a carry-on suitcase.

Valuation: The Price of Uncertainty

The stock is trading at 25 times analysts’ earnings for 2026 and 23.2 times for 2027. Which means a lot of the risks are already baked into the price. Which is… comforting. Like knowing your emergency fund won’t cover a nuclear disaster, but will cover a broken washing machine.

So, it’s an excellent buy for risk-tolerant investors. But Wall Street won’t give them any slack if things go wrong. Which, let’s be honest, they often do. So, if you’re not entirely convinced Oracle will become one of the largest AI cloud infrastructure providers by 2031, maybe just… wait and see. I’m going to go make a cup of tea. And possibly re-evaluate my entire life.

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2026-01-31 13:53