So, OneOK (OKE +0.32%). Pipelines. Right. They move stuff. Oil, gas, the usual. It’s like a toll road, only instead of cars, it’s… well, it’s crude. And you know what really gets me? They call it crude. Like it’s some sort of insult. “Oh, that’s a crude oil pipeline.” What does that mean? Anyway, 60,000 miles of these things. Sixty thousand! Who’s counting? Apparently, someone is. And they expect me to care. They make money off fees. Fees! Like we don’t have enough fees already. It’s a racket, I tell you. A perfectly legal, incredibly boring racket.
They’re reporting earnings today. Analysts expect $1.50 a share. Down 4%. Down! Like they’re surprised. It’s always something. Revenue’s up 3%, though. So that’s… good? I guess? It’s all so… incremental. Like watching paint dry, but with more paperwork. And you know what really bothers me about these earnings reports? The phrasing. “Reflecting a decline.” Just say it’s down! Stop with the euphemisms. It’s insulting to my intelligence.
Is This 18% Jump Real?
The stock’s up 18% this year. Eighteen percent! That’s… a lot, I guess. Everyone’s getting excited about the energy sector. Fine. But what about consistency? I want a stock that’s reliably… there. Not bouncing around like a pinball. And they’ve been buying companies. Magellan, Medallion, EnLink. It’s like they’re building an empire of pipes. A pipe empire. Is that even a thing? It feels… excessive. Like they’re trying to compensate for something. And the names! Medallion Midstream? Sounds like a bad jewelry store.
They increased the dividend by 4%. 4%! Okay, that’s… passable. It’s 4.9% yield. Above average. They promise to grow revenue 3-4% and keep the payout ratio under 85%. Sounds good on paper. But who actually reads all this? It’s all about the fine print, isn’t it? And 85%? That feels… high. It’s like they’re giving away the farm. They say it’s because of depreciation. Depreciation! That’s just a fancy way of saying things are falling apart.
Cash flow is better, apparently. They generated $4.1 billion and paid out $1.94 billion in dividends. A 2:1 ratio. Okay, fine. But I still don’t understand why everything has to be so complicated. Can’t they just tell me if I’m making money or not? EBITDA is up 27.4%. EPS is up 8%. More numbers. More acronyms. It’s exhausting. I need a nap.
Don’t Bother Waiting for the Report
Analysts expect lower earnings. But buy the stock anyway? Are you kidding me? That’s like telling me to invest in a leaky faucet. The situation with Iran is pushing oil prices higher, they say. Great. So now I’m supposed to be happy about geopolitical instability? They benefit from higher oil prices because they move the “associated” gas. Associated gas! It sounds… clingy. More drilling means more utilization. It’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it? And they’re trading at 16 times earnings. A discount. A discount! Like I’m getting a bargain. It’s all relative, isn’t it? It’s just… a lot.
Look, it’s a solid company, I guess. Above-average dividend. Trading at a discount. But honestly, I’m just tired of all the numbers and the jargon and the constant need to analyze everything. I just want a simple, straightforward investment. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is. It always is.
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2026-02-23 18:24