The beast is up. NVIDIA (NVDA 0.72%), a name now whispered with the reverence usually reserved for messianic figures and REALLY potent hallucinogens, has clawed its way up 1,330% in the last five years. January 29th, they tell me. As if dates even matter anymore. It’s the AI boom, naturally. A feeding frenzy of hyperscalers, mainlining data center chips like they’re the last drops of sanity in a crumbling world. And the sheep… the sheep are buying.
They’re paying attention to the wrong things, these poor bastards. They think a dividend is a sign. A beacon of stability in the swirling vortex of tech speculation. Nvidia started doling out pennies in 2012. Pennies! As if a few measly dollars tossed to the masses will somehow justify the current valuation. They want $10,000 a year in payouts? Let’s do the math, shall we? It’ll take over FORTY-SEVEN MILLION dollars to snag 250,000 shares. FORTY-SEVEN MILLION! I need a drink.
A Fleeting Illusion
They brag about a 56% net profit margin in Q3 2026 (October 26th, if you’re keeping track of the meaningless calendar). “Safe,” they call it. Robust. As if “robust” means anything when the entire financial system is built on a foundation of digital smoke and mirrors. It’s a temporary stay of execution, people. A fleeting illusion of security before the whole thing goes supernova.
Not for the Income-Hungry
A dividend yield of 0.021%? Are you KIDDING me? This isn’t an income play, it’s a goddamn lottery ticket disguised as a semiconductor company. Anyone looking for actual income is chasing ghosts. They’re better off stuffing their mattresses with actual cash, but even that feels risky these days. The real action is in the upside, of course. The potential for the stock to keep climbing, fueled by irrational exuberance and the desperate hope that someone, somewhere, will pay even MORE for these digital trinkets.
They’re projecting 46.8% revenue growth and 48.3% earnings per share between 2025 and 2028. Numbers. Just numbers. Meaningless projections in a world spiraling out of control. But the sheep will gobble them up, anyway. They always do. They’ll chase the phantom of wealth, blindly following the herd towards the inevitable cliff. I need another drink. And maybe a hazmat suit. This market… it’s a goddamn disaster waiting to happen.
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2026-01-31 01:52