\n
In a stunning display of crypto spite and capitalistic exuberance, Monad has allegedly secured $269 million from 85,820 subscribers-perhaps victims of coupon-clicking hypnosis-raising eyebrows and price graphs before their mainnet debuts.
\n
The token sale, now concluded at Coinbase with the precision of a Victorian organ recital, reportedly netted 269 million quid. This “achievement” heralds the mainnet\’s launch on an undisclosed Monday-likely the day after tomorrow. One can only imagine the Cameronian chaos when the champagne-soaked masses click “buy.”
\n
A Community’s Relentless Anticipation (Or Obsession?)
\n
This frenzied participation-read: a mob of hope-hungry investors-demonstrates trust in Monad\’s Ethereum-compatible, scalability-solving blockchain, which claims to do what Ethereum could not: make millionaires less annoying.
\n
Monad’s interoperability, one supposes, will let Ethereum developers migrate their contracts faster than a posh cross-Channel ferry. Success seems assured-or at least monetarily adjacent.
\n
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Source -X. (Yes, that’s a platform where tweets outlast actual news.)
\n
In a memo worthy of Waugh’s finest satire, the Monad team proclaims the $269m raise a “milestone,” as if raising a fortune in an industry where fortunes are routinely incinerated is cause for ceremony. Their mainnet, however, will supposedly let apps run faster than a fox terrier on espresso.
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You might also like: Monad’s Co-Founder Vs. Telegram: A Scam Tussle That Reads Like a Wilde Play 🎭
\n
Unpacking the $269M Capital Carnival
\n
Coinbase’s initial sale, now gone like a Soho brunch, saw investors swarm faster than bobbies to a subsidy scandal. Scott Shapiro, Coinbase’s product director, noted the IPO’s rampant popularity in the opening hours-a phenomenon akin to a council flat lottery.
\n
The token announcement, one imagines, drew investors from across the globe, who presumably trusted Monad more than they trust politicians. A bold act, particularly given history’s fondness for wiping out “revolutionary” blockchain ventures.
\n
This $269m round, inexplicably larger than most national GDPs, follows prior funding rounds with less coherence than a 1920s soiree. Nonetheless, investors now shower Monad with capital as though it were a rain-drenched St. James Park.
\n
Mainnet’s Grand Entrance: Layer 1’s Noble Ascent
\n
Beyond fundraising, the mainnet launch boasts a network claiming to process 10,000 transactions per second-a rate that, one supposes, could outpace a Bond film villain’s elaborate schemes. Whether this outpaces Ethereum’s stately pace remains to be seen.
\n
The impending decentralised app influx may attract dopamine-driven users chasing scalability, but the true test is whether they’ll spend more time on Monad than binge-watching Netflix. (Spoiler: the latter will win.)
\n
Price volatility, the cryptocurrency’s raison d\’être, will likely surge if users start moving anything of value here. But as all discerning investors know, the only thing that outperforms a token’s growth is the certainty of its eventual collapse.
\n
The mainnet’s promised date, a detail as elusive as a rainy-day luncheon invitation, is allegedly confirmed via X and the collective glee of a community who’ve invested more hope in this than in the 3pm train from Paddington.
\n
In a stunning display of crypto spite and capitalistic exuberance, Monad has allegedly secured $269 million from 85,820 subscribers-perhaps victims of coupon-clicking hypnosis-raising eyebrows and price graphs before their mainnet debuts.
The token sale, now concluded at Coinbase with the precision of a Victorian organ recital, reportedly netted 269 million quid. This “achievement” heralds the mainnet’s launch on an undisclosed Monday-likely the day after tomorrow. One can only imagine the Cameronian chaos when the champagne-soaked masses click “buy.”
A Community’s Relentless Anticipation (Or Obsession?)
This frenzied participation-read: a mob of hope-hungry investors-demonstrates trust in Monad’s Ethereum-compatible, scalability-solving blockchain, which claims to do what Ethereum could not: make millionaires less annoying.
Monad’s interoperability, one supposes, will let Ethereum developers migrate their contracts faster than a posh cross-Channel ferry. Success seems assured-or at least monetarily adjacent.
Source -X. (Yes, that’s a platform where tweets outlast actual news.)
In a memo worthy of Waugh’s finest satire, the Monad team proclaims the $269m raise a “milestone,” as if raising a fortune in an industry where fortunes are routinely incinerated is cause for ceremony. Their mainnet, however, will supposedly let apps run faster than a fox terrier on espresso.
You might also like: Monad’s Co-Founder Vs. Telegram: A Scam Tussle That Reads Like a Wilde Play 🎭
Unpacking the $269M Capital Carnival
Coinbase’s initial sale, now gone like a Soho brunch, saw investors swarm faster than bobbies to a subsidy scandal. Scott Shapiro, Coinbase’s product director, noted the IPO’s rampant popularity in the opening hours-a phenomenon akin to a council flat lottery.
The token announcement, one imagines, drew investors from across the globe, who presumably trusted Monad more than they trust politicians. A bold act, particularly given history’s fondness for wiping out “revolutionary” blockchain ventures.
This $269m round, inexplicably larger than most national GDPs, follows prior funding rounds with less coherence than a 1920s soiree. Nonetheless, investors now shower Monad with capital as though it were a rain-drenched St. James Park.
Mainnet’s Grand Entrance: Layer 1’s Noble Ascent
Beyond fundraising, the mainnet launch boasts a network claiming to process 10,000 transactions per second-a rate that, one supposes, could outpace a Bond film villain’s elaborate schemes. Whether this outpaces Ethereum’s stately pace remains to be seen.
The impending decentralised app influx may attract dopamine-driven users chasing scalability, but the true test is whether they’ll spend more time on Monad than binge-watching Netflix. (Spoiler: the latter will win.)
Price volatility, the cryptocurrency’s raison d’être, will likely surge if users start moving anything of value here. But as all discerning investors know, the only thing that outperforms a token’s growth is the certainty of its eventual collapse.
The mainnet’s promised date, a detail as elusive as a rainy-day luncheon invitation, is allegedly confirmed via X and the collective glee of a community who’ve invested more hope in this than in the 3pm train from Paddington.
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2025-11-24 09:48