Meta’s Split: A Nightmarish Ritual

For three years, artificial intelligence has loomed over Wall Street like a specter, its shadow stretching over every transaction, every boardroom deliberation. Yet even this omnipresent force has found itself eclipsed by a more mundane, yet no less oppressive, phenomenon: the stock split. A ritual as ancient as the markets themselves, it is a bureaucratic rite of passage, a mechanical adjustment of numbers that purports to democratize ownership while entrenching the system’s absurdity.

A stock split, in its essence, is a cosmetic operation. A company’s share price, its outstanding shares, are rearranged in perfect symmetry, as though the universe itself demanded such order. Yet this precision is a mirage. The market cap remains unchanged, the company’s essence unaltered, and yet the world is told to rejoice. It is a performance, a pantomime of prosperity, where the actors are both the performers and the audience.

Reverse splits, those grim invocations of financial desperation, are avoided like plague. They are the whispered confessions of weakness, a desperate attempt to inflate a dying ember into a flame. Forward splits, by contrast, are the sanctioned delusion of growth. A company’s price is lowered, its shares made “affordable,” as though the mere act of division could bridge the chasm between the privileged and the desperate. Yet the true beneficiaries are not the investors, but the system itself, which feeds on the illusion of accessibility.

The narrative is clear: forward splits are the mark of innovation, of superiority. Companies that execute them are not merely adjusting numbers—they are declaring themselves as part of an elite, a chosen few who have transcended the mundane. Yet this is a lie, a bureaucratic fiction. The data, the charts, the metrics—all are mere shadows, cast by the light of a system that thrives on its own incomprehensibility.

And now, the world holds its breath. The most anticipated split of 2025, a ritual of such magnitude, may soon be announced by Meta Platforms. A company whose very name has become a synonym for the inescapable, a monolith that looms over the digital landscape like a god of forgotten promises. Its board, its shareholders, its investors—all are bound to this ritual, whether they wish it or not.

The Clock Ticks for 2025’s First Split

Last year, a dozen companies danced this ritual, their splits a chorus of mechanical precision. Only one was a reverse split, a grim reminder of the system’s fragility. The rest, like the tech sector’s AI stocks, were forward splits—performances of progress, of inevitability. Yet this year, the ritual has grown silent. Three companies have split, but none from the tech sector, none with the weight of Meta’s shadow.

O’Reilly Automotive, the first to declare its split, did so with the mechanical precision of a machine. A 15-for-1 adjustment, a calculated move to inflate its shares. Yet its success is not born of innovation, but of necessity. The American public, clinging to their vehicles, has become a captive audience for its wares. The company’s share repurchases, a decades-long ritual, have become a grotesque spectacle—$26.6 billion spent to erase 60% of its shares, a performance of financial alchemy.

Interactive Brokers Group, with its 4-for-1 split, is no different. Its metrics soar, its customer base expands, yet these are not signs of progress, but of the system’s relentless demand for growth. Its investments in technology are not innovations, but obligations, a debt to the algorithmic gods of efficiency.

Fastenal, the last to split in 2025, is a relic of an older era. Its 2-for-1 adjustment is a nod to tradition, a reminder that even the most mundane companies are bound to the ritual. Its technology, its supply chains—these are not advancements, but extensions of the same bureaucratic machinery that has governed the market for centuries.

Yet these companies, for all their mechanical precision, are not the stars of this year’s ritual. They are mere shadows, placeholders in a system that demands a true blockbuster. And Meta, with its $700 share price, its 27% retail ownership, its cash reserves, is the only one capable of fulfilling this role. Its split would not be a performance—it would be a decree, a command from the system itself.

The Ritual of Meta’s Split

To understand why Meta might split, one must first accept that the system demands it. The board, its members bound by the same bureaucratic inertia as the rest of the world, has no choice. The company’s share price, though high, is not an obstacle—it is a necessity. The ritual requires it. The market demands it. And so, Meta, like all others, must comply.

Yet the true purpose of the split is not to make shares affordable, but to maintain the illusion of accessibility. The 27% of retail investors who hold its shares are not the beneficiaries—they are the audience. The system, in its infinite wisdom, has deemed them worthy of this performance. And so, Meta’s split will be a spectacle, a momentary distraction from the deeper truths of the market.

Its social media platforms, those sprawling digital empires, are not merely tools of connection—they are the foundation of its power. The 3.43 billion daily users, the ad-driven revenue, the dominance over the digital landscape—all are part of the system’s grand design. Yet this is not innovation; it is entrenchment. The company’s future, its AI ambitions, its metaverse aspirations—these are not promises, but obligations, demands from the algorithmic gods of progress.

Meta’s cash reserves, its $70 billion in liquidity, are not a sign of strength—they are a burden. The company is expected to spend, to invest, to distribute. The system demands it. The board, its members bound by the same rules as the rest of the world, has no choice but to comply. And so, Meta’s split will be a ritual, a performance, a momentary reprieve from the crushing weight of the system.

The table is set, the ritual prepared. Yet the outcome is certain. Meta will split, as all others have. As all others must. And the world will watch, as it always does, waiting for the next performance, the next illusion, the next delusion of progress.

And so, the clock ticks. The system waits. The ritual is inevitable.

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Meta’s Split: A Nightmarish Ritual

2025-07-30 10:36

The Clock Ticks for 2025’s First Split

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