In an act that would have made even the great Professor Woland raise an eyebrow, Metaplanet Inc. has, with the majestic flourish of a bureaucrat who has just discovered the meaning of life (hint: it’s not 42, but 5,555), purchased a further avalanche of Bitcoin—approximately $53.6 million, at the low-ticket price of $96,530 per coin. As one does when inflation starts looking at you with predatory interest.
The company’s vaults—echoing with the ghostly laughter of Ivan Bezdomny—now hold precisely 5,555 BTC. Average price? $90,220 per coin. Total investment? $630.5 million. That’s almost enough to buy a Moscow apartment without first swearing allegiance to some shadowy committee.
How does Metaplanet measure the tides of its fortune? Not with tea leaves, but with the following arcane barometers:
- BTC Yield: The percent change in Bitcoin holdings compared to the merry-go-round of all outstanding shares.
- BTC Gain: The glorious fantasy of growth, undiluted and unadulterated, as if nobody ever printed more shares—what an idea!
- BTC $ Gain: Let’s translate those theoretical triumphs into dollars, so your accountant can faint with joy or horror as needed.
Behold, recent metrics from Metaplanet’s crystal ball:
- Q3 2024: 41.7% (They were just warming up. 🧤)
- Q4 2024: 309.8% (Someone found turbo mode! 🚀)
- Q1 2025: 95.6% (Apparently, gravity still exists.)
- Quarter-to-date (April 1 to May 7, 2025): 21.0% (April Fools or a stroke of genius? You decide.)
All in all, Metaplanet is showing as much faith in Bitcoin as a Muscovite in a magic ointment. Whether this strategic conviction will transform them into the next financial Pontius Pilate or simply a cautionary tale for satin-collared bureaucrats remains—like most things in the universe—deliciously uncertain. And so the wheel of fortune turns, coins clinking cheerily, while somewhere a cat with peculiar eyes undoubtedly takes notes. 🐾
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2025-05-07 11:26