Metaplanet Shellshocks Crypto World: Out-Bitcoins Coinbase in Gutsy Move

It was with all the flourish of a conjurer pulling endless rabbits from silk hats that CEO Simon Gerovich—doubtless resplendent in pinstripe—declared on Monday the triumphant snaring of 1,112 extra Bitcoins for the mind-boggling sum of $117.2 million. That’s $105,435 a coin, darling, for those keeping track at home (or merely wishing they were so fabulously flush). Word of this stylish spending spree emerged via a post on X—because how else does one break news nowadays, telegram perhaps?—confirming that Metaplanet intends to keep scooping up Bitcoin with the giddy verve of a society hostess at a cake sale.

Meanwhile, our friends at Coinbase Global languish with a comparatively modest 9,267 BTC, at least according to the all-knowing oracle Bitcointreasuries.net. With the latest gold-plated haul, Metaplanet has now waltzed ahead, leaving Coinbase to nurse its wounded pride and count pennies (or Satoshis, whatever’s in vogue).

But wait, there’s more—like any proper soirée, Metaplanet knows how to keep the fizz going. In a move more dramatic than a last-chapter twist, they’ve unveiled their 18th series of ordinary bonds (yes, eighteenth, not a typo!), valued at a cool $210 million, handed off to EVO Fund. The bonds mature on December 12, 2025—a date which, one presumes, has been circled in red by actuaries with nervous dispositions.

“These funds,” Metaplanet breathily confirmed, “are destined for yet more Bitcoin.” Bravo! If Bitcoin were confetti, Metaplanet would be waist-deep, tossing it about like a bride at her own wedding. 🎩💸

Thus, Metaplanet struts forward as a titan in the corporate Bitcoin menagerie, following in the stately footprints of MicroStrategy and other well-heeled institutionals. Do keep an eye out—at this pace, next week they may announce plans to buy the Moon. 🚀🌝

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2025-06-16 11:52