Medtronic: The Dividend That Won’t Die

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There’s a certain comfort in watching the market collectively shudder at the mention of Medtronic, as though it were a broken toaster that once burned my toast and now haunts my dreams. Yet here I am, sipping tea and wondering if the stock’s 3% dividend yield is less a reward and more a warning. The company, for all its bluster about surgical robots and cardiac ablation systems, still feels like a well-meaning but slightly delusional uncle who insists his new business venture will “change the world” while quietly eating the last of the snacks.

The Funk Wasn’t Just in the Air

Let’s not pretend Medtronic’s R&D department isn’t a glorified version of my own attempts to fix the Wi-Fi router: intermittent, expensive, and occasionally successful. The past few years have been a parade of “almost”s, with new products that never quite caught the market’s attention. But here’s the thing-when has a company ever been more fun to dissect than when it’s floundering? It’s like watching a toddler attempt to build a bridge with blocks: messy, frustrating, and oddly compelling.

And yet, the spinoff of the diabetes division feels less like a strategic move and more like a family member finally moving out of the house. The rest of the business-cardiovascular, surgical, neuroscience-has the profit margins of a well-run bakery, while the diabetes unit is the cousin who keeps asking for loans. Investors, I suspect, are waiting for the moment when the market realizes that Medtronic’s true value lies not in its current struggles, but in its ability to outlast them. Which, honestly, is the only thing I’ve ever been good at.

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The real joke, of course, is that the market’s current skepticism might be the very thing that makes Medtronic a bargain. After all, who doesn’t love a stock that’s been written off, only to quietly continue existing like a stubborn weed? I’ve seen worse investments-my last attempt at gardening, for instance. But here’s the catch: if the new products actually take off, the dividend will still be there, and the stock might just surprise everyone, including me. Which, I suppose, is the definition of a contrarian bet.

So, while the crowd sighs and mutters about “overvalued” or “unreliable,” I’ll be over here, sipping my tea and wondering if I’ve finally found a stock that’s as persistent as my own bad habits. 🧠

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2025-09-22 13:57