The markets, as anyone who’s ever tried to sell a slightly used dragon at a reasonable price will tell you, are a fickle beast. 2026 has been… spirited. Valuations for the shiny, new, and mostly digital trinkets favored by the Guild of Alchemists and Venture Capitalists1 have risen to levels that suggest someone, somewhere, believes they’ve discovered the philosopher’s stone… or at least a very good algorithm.
The Shiller P/E ratio – a measure of how much investors are willing to pay for a share of earnings, adjusted for inflation and the general tendency of goblins to hoard gold – currently sits around 37. That’s about where it was in November 2021, just before the market decided to take a rather extended nap in 2022. A nap, of course, involving a significant loss of coin for many. The ratio peaked at 39 in January, but has eased slightly since then. However, add to that the ongoing… situation in the vicinity of Iran and the Strait of Hormuz (which, naturally, is affecting the flow of vital elixirs… er, oil) and you have a recipe for increased market jitters.
Will we see a repeat of 2022? Predicting the future is, as any competent soothsayer will tell you, a fool’s errand. But a growing number of investors are starting to polish their storm shelters. The sensible ones, at least. You can’t stop the storm, but you can choose to have a few sturdy shelves stocked with things that tend to hold their value when the magical energies get a bit… unpredictable.
Allow me to present two such shelves: Berkshire Hathaway and Coca-Cola. Not necessarily to be consumed, mind you, but to be held.
1. Berkshire Hathaway
Berkshire Hathaway has, for decades, been a fixture in the portfolios of those who prefer a slower, more considered approach to wealth accumulation. It was guided for many years by Warren Buffett, a man whose investing philosophy could be summarised as “don’t be silly.” He recently passed the reins to Greg Abel, but there’s little reason to suspect a radical shift in strategy. Abel has been apprenticed to Buffett for years, absorbing his wisdom like a sponge absorbs… well, whatever sponges absorb.2
Buffett was a devotee of “value investing” – the art of finding companies that are genuinely worth more than the market thinks they are. He looked for businesses with strong management, consistent earnings, and a tendency to dominate their respective markets. Companies that, in short, could weather a magical storm or two. Berkshire Hathaway is, therefore, built to outperform in downturns, and history has shown that to be… largely true.
During the 2022 market slumber, Berkshire Hathaway managed a return of 3% while the S&P 500 was… less fortunate. The stock is down roughly 4% this year, largely due to the uncertainty surrounding the leadership transition. But it’s currently trading at a reasonable 15 times earnings. I expect it to outperform this year, because it’s designed for precisely these conditions – and for the long haul.
2. Coca-Cola
Speaking of Warren Buffett, Coca-Cola is one of his longest-held investments, and a substantial part of the Berkshire Hathaway portfolio. It embodies many of the qualities he looks for: a relatively low valuation, market dominance, and resilience in various market conditions. As a purveyor of universally beloved beverages, Coca-Cola sells things that people will always want, regardless of the economic climate. Even when goblins are hoarding gold, they still occasionally crave a fizzy drink.3
The stock is up 7% year-to-date, and it returned nearly 11% during the 2022 market nap.
Coca-Cola is also one of the most reliable dividend-paying stocks available, which is a definite advantage in the current climate. It has increased its dividend for 64 consecutive years, earning it the title of “Dividend King.” And it currently yields a robust 2.84%.
1 The Guild, naturally, insists they are not actually trying to turn lead into gold. They’re “disrupting the financial paradigm.” It’s a subtle difference.
2 Sponges, it should be noted, are notoriously difficult to quantify. Their absorptive capacity varies wildly depending on the quality of the water and the presence of rogue sea sprites.
3 Goblins have surprisingly sophisticated palates. They prefer their beverages with a hint of brimstone and a generous helping of spite.
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2026-03-24 18:55